A New Day: Australia to Austria

It feels a little strange to be making a fresh entry on this blog given the holiday has now long been over and I'm not with Matt, yet here I am posting and yes it's because I'm on my travels again. Sadly it's nowhere near as glamorous as the previous holiday, in fact I shouldn't be referring to it as a holiday at all, this is pure unadulterated work and I'm not moving about at all, it's 3 weeks in Vienna.

So an early start for me on Monday and I'm off to Heathrow again, this time to the brand spanking new Terminal 5. It's impressive, it really is, but I can't help worrying whether my bag is going to make the journey with me. I am in complete awe of an Audi R8 that is on display, until now I'd only seen it on the TV ad, in the flesh I love it, I'm not even a car-sy person normally but I love this vehicle so much, I'm convinced into buying some expensive raffle tickets to win it! I know I'm being a fool but I simply can't resist.
A minor delay and it's a pretty event less flight, at Vienna airport I'm pleased to see my bag has made it and as a bonus is one of the first off, others on our journey have not been so fortunate. It seems the last load of luggage due on our flight decided on a different destination. A quick transfer to the hotel and then we're off for inductions at work. It turns out the hotel is slap bang in the middle of the red light district of Vienna, while it has been chosen for it's proximity to work, it doesn't feel like a particularly safe place to be out on your own and we're already hearing stories of people from work getting mugged.

The obligatories out the way and we all meet back at the hotel for drinks and food. The emphasis is very much on the drinking, I think everyone has forgotten it's Monday night and that we have training at 9:30am the following morning. Still it's a great night and everyone is in high spirits, I'm bizarrely hungry and have five courses at the restaurant, everyone else settles for 1! The proprietor is very friendly and perhaps a little keen to get our Euros, nevertheless he brings a bottle of Sambuca to our table and leaves it, well it's free and frankly I think we'd offend him if we didn't, so we did.

Much frivolity later (including bouncing up and down on my producers knee) and we return to the hotel, it's nearly 2am, I'm really hoping we can stop and go to bed now, it seems everyone else has different ideas. I'm not actually sure what time I finally made it to bed, but I spent the night in panic constantly waking up fearing I was going to oversleep for work in the morning and thus felt even worse this morning thanks to the lack of sleep. Still at breakfast I seem to have got off lightly compared with some people, a very rough producer sits at our table and has us in stitches as he confesses he didn't actually make it to bed last night, he passed out in the doorway to his room, his legs in the corridor and his head in the bathroom, I feel much better!

Our training today is run by a guy who starts off badly and doesn't really improve, with all the best will in the world instructing people is not really his forte and we're left to try and read between the lines. If I'm being optimistic I think he is probably over-complicating something that's actually not too difficult, the other editors have used this system, I have not, maybe I should be nervous about this unfortunately this hangover is vying for my attention at the moment. At lunch time I did discover this lovely gem of a shop that made me laugh:


So I've not said too much about Vienna as a city yet, the truth is I've seen very little of it and my suspicions are that we're not in a nice part, still I don't want to cast judgment until I've explored a little further. Our security passes for this event grant us free 1st class land travel all over Austria and Switzerland until mid July, plus it seems we are actually going to get some days off so I may have chance to explore, I will keep you posted.

Anyway it's late and I've wittered on enough for now, should you be interested in reading anymore about my journey then please check out my personal blog which is:

gaylordssayno.blogspot.com

where I'll be keeping occasional notes on work & wellbeing. For now ta ta dear reader! x

Day 35: Sydney to London (via Hong Kong)

The day we knew would eventually arrive arrived. It's up at 8am to do our final packing, final breakfast, final everything holiday. I think we're both feeling a little glum about the holiday being over and the prospect of 24 hours in a small confined space together now seems nothing given we've survived 5 and a half weeks together.

So a scuttle in the shuttle up to the airport and we're ready to go (via duty free), we're surprised how few people board the plane, economy is practically empty as is upper class it's only us mugs in Premium that have a full cabin. Despite that it's a good flight and I think we're both surprised at how long you are actually flying over Australia for (about 4.5 hours), the inflight entertainment keeps me amused along with the two camp-as-tits air stewards. 4 movies and we're about ready to land at Hong Kong International. It's 10pm here, we have a short wait while they re-fuel the plane and take on more passengers - the transit here is far more efficient than LAX on the way out, no re-checking of bags or lengthy customs checks - 10 minutes and we're through. There's little to keep me amused, despite the swathes of designer shops, I just want to finish the journey, still Matt has finally scored a free Internet connection and enjoys a wander.

A minor delay on take-off and the journey continues to London, Matt and I have opted for separate seats this time, neither of us fancied being sandwiched between two strangers for 12 hours. As it turns out I end up chatting with my fellow passengers for the first few hours of this leg, a middle-aged lady who used to be a flight attendant herself and a young guy from Bournemouth. The plane is completely full now and I'm grateful for the extra leg room and the bigger seat, I decide to stay awake until I've been fed then I drop a sleeping pill and I'm out. 5 hours later I re-awake "those pills are good then" Miriam tells me "you were snoring away" ooops!

I while away the rest of the journey with a few more movies and before I know it it's breakfast and we're on our final decent into London. It's a fine morning, the airport is relatively quiet and thankfully people don't seem quite as miserable as I was expecting them to be, even our racist taxi driver seems quite jovial in an awkward kind of way. The weather is bright sunny and warm, much how we left Australia in fact, the trees are in full foliage since we left and being back in Britain doesn't seem so bad at all. Sure I'm stunned Boris Johnson has been elected Mayor of London and the BNP have got a seat, but as we draw closer to home the thought of my cosy bed is consuming me, I feel privileged to have witnessed and seen so much in the previous weeks I'm tired but content, it's over.

Good morning!

Day 34: Feeling Blue

Well it's our last full day in Sydney and our last guided tour, we've organised a conga line tour into the blue mountains. Not particularly because either of us wanted to be locked up in a small coach with a bunch of potentially annoying strangers but mainly through necessity of making sure we made good use of the time on our last day.

It's an early start 7:45am pickup and we're whisked of a wildlife sanctuary (via The Bridge, or 'coathanger' as the locals like to call it - apparently).  Our driver is bit of a Nazi for time keeping and we're told we have 57 minutes to 'enjoy' the park.  Both Matt and I get to pett a few creatures including Koalas and Kangaroos, I'm even allowed to hold a bird of prey (fools). A token nod to all the other creatures (wombats, emus, croc's etc) and 10am sharp we're back on the bus into the mountains.

The driver despite his ponchant for time keeping is actually perfectly nice and keeps us entertained for most of the journey.  We arrive at the Wentworth Falls and this is our first view of the stunning Blue Mountains, so named by the blue haze created by the evaporating Eucalyptus oil.  As with everything today it's a brief nod, just time for a snap and we're of to the Three Sisters, a series of rocky outcrops that are aparently three Aboriginal maidens trapped by their father to protect them from the advances of frisky locals. 12:15pm back on the bus, and we 
take in three 'rides' through the mountain, a skycar with  a glass bottom, a near vertical train and 
a cable car.  It's all very pleasant but I could do without the agressive Japanese tourists. We're 
promised if we're back at the bus by 2pm we're in for a treat - it's a stop at the candy store - great.

A few more tourist spots and we're on the way back to Sydney, rather unecessarily we both feel via the Olympic stadium, it feels more of a time/tour attractions filler than a worthy point of interest. However, we're dropped at the ferry point and have an enjoyable boat ride back to Sydney. Just time for a final Thai dinner (one of the best i've had) and a final blast of Karaoke for me, rather aptly I choose Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time, this seems to best sum up how we're both feeling right now.

Tomorrow, up, up and away.

Day 33: Sydney

Another day in Syndey and we decide to have a look at the little boutiques and glamorous shops that are up in the Paddington area. Rather than a definite area, it turns out that the shops are generally dotted around the place, so we're not sure that we really ever found the main part of it. We did see lots of lovely little areas though.
I'm particularly taken with the style of old terrace house they have here - each one with different coloured walls, but all with intricate iron railings and cornices on the open terraces/balconies. Hopefully Dan has some good shots of these as I usefully left my camera in the hotel.

Come lunchtime, Dan went off to Bondi to meet an old friend and I perused the shops heading back into the CBD. Bought many exciting things including a catering standard piping bag. Oh yes, stand back in awe and please don't try to keep up!

It was really nice to just wander the streets and it was good to be able to get a sense of how all the streets actually nit together and be able to navigate around. I looked in at the QVB - the Queen Victoria Building, which is a renovated building dating from around 1880. It takes up an entire city block, and it now a shopping mall - but a very posh one. The upper levels and carpeted for heaven's sake.


In the evening we head to Darling Harbour again for a nice dinner - I go for the soft shelled crab, which is nice but unfortunately has been breaded then fried, which wasn't on the description at all. This means that the meal ends up being a lot heavier than we thought it would be. Also the portions of the side orders are absolutely ginormous. The little salad could easily feed four people and the wire basket of chips is difficult to see over.

Tomorrow: we get a bit blue in the mountains.

Day 32: A bridge too far

So back in Sydney and it's Sunday.
After transferring to our final hotel, we head off in to town.

We go to Circular Quay (by the bridge and the opera house) and hunt out the market at The Rocks. The aim was to find some spectacular holiday gifts that sum up the experience of the holiday with some amazing displays of local crafts and production.

Mainly we just find bits of old tat that could be bought on any market stall anywhere in the UK, but there are some really nice bits too.

They have a 70s weekend going on nearby to commemorate the conservation of a terrace of old houses, so we get to listen to some really terrible rock and abba bands.

Neither of us is particularly good at heights so we decide to forgo the harbour bridge walk that takes one over the top of the bridge supports, but we do walk the length of the bridge at car level and very impressive it is too.

We stop for a spot of lunch on the other side before heading in to the funfair. This is the terrifying looking place that I mentioned on our first visit here. No less terrifying close up, it turns out.

Tomorrow: We're off to find Paddington

Day 31: South again

Check out of the apartments this morning.
Run by a lovely couple but good god does she like to chat!

We have some time before the car is due back, so we go to see another local attraction: the Cedar Creek Falls. Lovely sounding place, evokes the idea of, I don't know, waterfalls for one.

It's kinda on the way to the airport, just turn off a bit before and head down several dusty dirt tracks. We clock what must be I think our 5th kangaroo of the trip, sadly so far they've all been 'resting' by the side of the road, rather than boucning through the bush.

We arrive at the pool, only to find that due to lack of rain recently Cedar Creek Dribble would have been a more apt name. Still it's great fun watching some other tourists braving their way into the water a millimetre at a time, shrieking whenever they stumble on a pebble. It takes them about 10 minutes to get fully into the water, so we don't quite believe them when they insist that really it's lovely, and we really ought to go for a swim.

The car has to be back at 12.30, which is ages before the flight, but we aim to use the time to catch up on the blog which is rather out of date (as Simon has pointed out). We arrive at the perimeter of the airport to see nothing but a red-dirt runway and a corrugated iron shack. It looks like something from the Flying Doctors.

Pushing on, we're relived to see that the airport actually does eventually have a proper runway and an actual building, but it turns out no internet, no real shops apart from a cafe, and no car-hire agent to return the car to. Turns out we could have had a few more hours. Still we get to sit outside with a sandwich and some cold beers, enjoying the incredibly hot sun whilst Dan writes quiz questions for the Eurovision party later in the month.

Flight back is good, and we've got seats in the escape row, so have tons of leg room.

After a slight kerfuffle with the hotel - they've lost our booking so we end up shifting to another hotel tonight. They also told us the hotel we were going to next had never heard of us, but thankfully they'd got the wrong one.

Finally we headed out into chinatown for a nice meal and, after all that, a relatively early night. We've been on the move a lot, with a lot of early mornings and broken nights and we're both done in.

Tomorrow: back in Sydney and across the bridge.

Day 30: Great Barrier Reef

Our second sea excursion today, and another early start - leave the apartment at 7.10 for the bus journey to Shute Harbour.

Not going to be quite such a gentle experience as yesterday, we are going on one of the huge catamarans that drew derision from all of us when we saw one yesterday at Whitehaven.

We are in some luck though as the numbers are very light - about 40 people as opposed to a couple of hundred.

We browse through the literature and see that they offer introductory scuba dives, which interests us both. We complete a lengthy medical questionnaire, only to both hand them over and then start adding a litany of medical conditions that "we though we'd better just mention, but didn't think we needed to put on the form". Amazingly we're both fit enough so we're on.

The catamaran absolutely stonks along, and as soon as we are past the islands and hit open water, there is spray being thrown up several decks and soaking the back seats, out in the open. And on several decks, various passengers are behaving in a similar way.

After about an hour, we arrive at [fanfare] ReefWorld. Or two pontoons, anchored to the Great Barrier Reef. I can't get the idea of the movie Westworld out of my head, and just hope that Yul Brynner doesn't show up again and go mental.

We take a cruise in the semi-submersible that goes around the reef, with a massive viewing chamber underneath which is fantastic, then we head off for the dignified experience of getting ready for the dive.

For me, this first consists of trying to find an optical diving mask that I can actually see through, then on to what to wear! We go for the full length lycra one-pieces (see the stinger suits from yesterday). Having learnt a little bit, I avoid the yellow, pink and panelled suits and score an all-black number. This goes on, followed by a short wetsuit that, though it fits around the middle, is about an inch too short and I can feel it compressing my spine quite nicely.

Dan has been struggling like mad to get his stinger suit on followed by the wetsuit, only to be finally told that as he has a full-length wetsuit, there's no need for the lycra.

We go to get fitted with tanks and weight belts.

This diving lark must be a fetishist's dream come true - first lycra, then a rubber suite. Next you are told to bend over whilst someone comes up behind you and fixes a heavy belt around your middle; then you are strapped into a heavy tank harness, then finally as you walk into the water, someone hands you a pot of vaseline to smear on your moustache so that the mask will form a seal (which it doesn't really anyway, but I digress).

We go into the moon pool. which is basically a metal walkway submerged under the pontoon so that we can go through all of the procedures and get used to the idea of breathing under water - an idea that our parents spent years teaching us not to do.

This does take quite a while to get sorted, and it is pretty uncomfortable at times, trying not to breathe through your nose which is sitting in a pool of water. Visibility is poor to the sides, the air dries out your mouth and everything feels very constricted due to the tightness of the suits and the tanks strapped around you. Unfortunately it is a bit too much for Dan, so he opts to just go through the training and not out into the open water.

Hi Dan here, I've had to add to this post. Matt has been far too kind and generous to sum up 'what happened under the platform' in one sentence. 'A bit too much' is an understatement, the fear had started to hit me long before getting into attire! However, I try to rationalise with myself - god know how other people do it (Matt I applaud you) every fear of water I ever had when I was little has come flooding back. As we sit underwater breathing unaturally, anything that could give me the fear does. I can't see the bottom, I think I'm going to sink, I have water in my nose, the instructor thinks I'm okay, stop making the 'okay?' symbol at me, why can't I remember the 'no' symbol?, why is he continuing? No, this is full on panic attack central. The fear has struck me bad, when Matt finds me later with said 'Gin & Tonic' I tell him I can't even begin to tell him everything that frightened me. I'm told by the instructor later 'it's very common' and given a partial refund, which I have to say is very generous considering!

We eventually head out into the water and pull ourselves along the ropes strung in the water. Once I eventually get used to breathing, it is a great experience, getting to look all around, seeing probably thousands of fish. The dive instructor even brings us various bits of wildlife to interfere with such as a giant clam, a sea cucumber and a star fish. A bit further on he starts shaking fish food around to attract fish. This is great at first until he then proceeds to throw food at our masks - cue an explosion of fish around your face. One even nipped my ear. Relaxing.

We also got to meet Wally, the male wrass on this bit of the reef. Absolutely huge - about 1.5m long. Not the biggest fish though, that goes to George who is 3.5m long. He stays under the other end of the pontoon, so we don't get to see him. We both later try to get photos of him that will in anyway show how big this damn fish is, but we're not sure it's going to show.

At the end of the dive I go to find Dan, who is in the bar, draining a gin and tonic. He goes off on the sub whilst I go for a snorkel around the reef, then it's back on the cat for a high-speed return to Airlie Beach.

Tomorrow: Back to Sydney and the final days of the trip

Day 29: Ragamuffin

Refreshed from my karaoke fix last night I quite literally have a feeling of 'the wind in my sails' today, notice I say 'I' and not 'we' poor Matt was my ever faithful audience. Anyway I was quite excited at the prospect of todays activities, we're leaving Terra firma for the ocean wave - hmm should probably relate to something else, oh well.

Ragamuffin is to be our sailing vessel today, a Maxi yacht emblazed in racing history, I won't bore you with the details here, but do feel free to check them out here:

http://www.maxiaction.com.au/html/rag.html

I'm particularly excited about spending the day on board (and no it's nothing to do with being surrounded by sailors) in the last year in my professional work I've edited a number of sailing programs featuring the Maxi class racing yacht so I felt I knew a little background around the class. They're pretty impressive and as we board we're welcomed by a really friendly crew and the tone for the day is set.

After the standard safety briefing we push away from the quay and we're on our way through the islands to Whitehaven Beach. Once we're out of the shelter of the harbour a good breeze has picked up, about 15 knots, from the shows I know a boat like this needs at least this kind of wind speed just to get going, it's certainly not a racing breeze but it's pretty good for a bunch of land-lubbing tourists such as ourselves.

Onboard I find chatting with some of the other crew and guests a breeze, I spend most of my time chatting to Scott and Marie, a couple from Canada, whilst Matt clings for dear life to the 45 degree angle deck. My dad would be so proud, for the first time in my life I'm really enjoying the sail and I'm barely holding onto anything (there isn't much anyway).

We seem to arrive at the almost empty 7km long beach far too quickly for my liking, but once ashore I'm pleasantly surprised (like so many places we've now been) how much it's like I imagine a paradise beach to be. Matt has also asked me to make mention of the silica sand (what makes them so white) and how it's squeeks under foot, there I think that's covered it!

As we anchor the crew have informed us all that it's 'stinger season' (basically there could be jellyfish) around and we have to wear 'stinger suits' to protect us when in the water. These are basically an all-in-one lycra suit worn over the body, she's still finishing her speech and Matt is already rifling through for his size, I in my modesty have opted not to go in the water and instead walk along the beach taking arty photos and drawing huge great Homer Simpsons in the sand - class.

After provided lunch and avoiding 'the suit', it's back to the boat for our return journey, thankfully just in time to avoid a huge catamaran shipping in literally about 200 people. The wind is still strong for the sail back, but there is also a change in weather fast approaching. I keep looking back over my shoulder to see the sky ever-darkening, ever-closer, I'm reliably informed by the skipper we'll be safely back in port before that catches us and besides the wind is blowing it away from us, my eyes beg to differ.

Sure enough as we turn back in to harbour the rain has caught us and we're drenched, virtually all the other guests have had the good sense to go back down below, but I'm quite happy sat dripping away on the stern (get me with the lingo). A wet coach journey back to the apartment and we're done for the day - well with the exception of a fine meal from Matt and a couple bottles of wine!

Tomorrow: I get that 'sinking' feeling.

Day 28: Airlie Beach

A long day today with a long drive as we are relocating up the coast to get to the Whitsundays. This entails driving over 1000Km in a day. We are using the main highway, but it really isn't that great a road - lots of it is single lane, goes through towns etc.

Dan takes the first shift and is clocking off the clicks admirably and we are enjoying a strenuous sing-a-long to Rocky Horror (Sweet Transvestite to be exact)when we get pulled over by the police. The police car pulls a u-turn on the road and comes along side, then the officer asks us to follow him off the road. He turns off and seems to drive for ages down this dusty dirt track before turning off into a small gravel siding. This seems to be the start of every "hicks kill the tourists" movie I've ever seen.

The guy comes over and Dan does his best "How can we help, Chief Constable" routine. Turns out he was radar-ing passing cars and clocked us doing 121Km in a 100Km zone.

Dan gets his international driving permit and UK licence from the back; when the officer clocks these, he decides to let us off with a warning, which it turns out later is an extremely rare event.

We continue the rest of the journey with the cruise control on, set religiously to 99KPH and are then over-taken by every other vehicle on the road, including a house on the back of a trailer and practically every car, van and truck that we'd passed in the morning.

Still, we've sorted out accommodation and what we're going to do in the Whitsundays over the next few days so that's good.

We get into Airlie Beach and find the apartment - 70s tackarama throughout, then head out to check out the town. This is certainly the liveliest place we have been so far (outside of the cities) and Dan has sniffed out the karoake place in about 3 minutes - surely something of a record even for him.

After a nice dinner we set off for the bar, Dan a bit anxious that the karaoke session has been running for 20 minutes without us there. We get in sight of the bar, thinking all is well, only to be asked for ID! First time in 16 years. Not terribly amused, but we head back up the big hill to the apartment then present the doorman with our driving licences - resisting the urge to hold them close to his face and twat him on the nose.

Dan, of course, is excellent in his rendition of "Love is in the air".

Tomorrow: Cruise number one.

Day 27: Dingoing crazy

This morning we are off to Fraser Island - the world's largest sand island - 123Km from tip to tip, and probably with more sand than the Sahara desert.

We have bitten the bullet and gone with a tour of the place, as it was stacking up as pretty pricey to try and hire a 4WD vehicle, get the ferry over and sort all the permits.

I had romantic visions of us going in a nice small 4WD vehicle, a few of us, to gentle pootle around the island. Not quite so much, more like 40 of us in a big 4WD bus.

As we got near the island on the ferry, they started to give us general hints and tips about the day, all delivered in a relatively relaxed, said this hundreds of times, style way.

"We'll be driving on some quite bumpy ground, so of course make sure that your seat belts are on. There are a lot of dingoes on the island, so don't wander off on your own and keep any children close to you", at which point at least two sets of ears perked up. "What with the dingoes now? You're choosing to mention this when there's no way of getting off the island!"

We dock (or drive the ferry onto the beach, choose your own 'technical word' for it and there is much amusement at watching someone who has hired their own vehicle head dramatically up the beach about 3 metres, before stopping and then having to adjust their tires and dig their way out a little bit. Very glad we didn't hire a car now, wouldn't have even got that far!


One of the great joys of a tour trip is getting to know your fellow travellers. Our little group included a number of middle-aged australian ladies, all with their hair dyed the same colour. One of them, bless, was very loud and had no problem including the rest of the coach in her conversations and general stream-of-consciousness throughout the day. This included her asking Dan what the 'hazchem' sign by the petrol station meant (Dan held his tongue and didn't say "It means Safe to smoke") and also wondering on the bus trip back to the accommodation whether the bus could fit through the drive-through at MacDonalds.


The actual trip itself was good, with a drive through woods, forests and rainforest, and a walk through the rain forest as well. We drove down 75 mile beach, stopping at the wreck of an old liner, at a fresh water river which we walked up, and at the amazing 'coloured sands' stack. Turns out all sand is technically coloured.
We also went up in the hills to a lake that isn't fed by any rivers - it's a peat lined hole that holds all of the rain water. It was stained with tannins from the tea trees all around.

Tomorrow: Ever been picked up by the fuzz?

Day 26: Glasshouse Mountains to Hervey Bay (via Noosa)

After a fine night in Caloundra it is unfortunately time to move on again. We're on our way to Hervey Bay, but not without first taking in some of the fine sights en route. We set off on the scenic road that takes us high into the mountains up to lookout point. It's a beautiful morning, hot and dry and we're treated to an amazing vista of the different shaped peaks, named by Captain Cook when he first saw them from the sea because he thought they resembled the glasshouse factories of home. Most Aussies will tell you it's a fairly stupid name for them, but stupid or not, they're pretty impressive.

Sadly time and tide press on and so must we, but we continue the scenic drive upto Noosa Heads where we take a few hours for lunch. It's a beautiful little town that hasn't been too spoilt by the neccessity of tourism, the beautiful weather has sent most people in the direction of the beach, even Matt and I treat ourselves to a paddle along the shore, it's pretty much a case of everyone in the water and 'if you've got it flaunt it' or in our cases just 'flaunt it'.

Before we leave we quickly locate some potential properties for our next two nights in Hervey Bay and set on the road again. Matt has taken to the wheel now and I get cracking with the ring rounds. The first place I phone is called the Happy Wanderer Apartments, how can I possibly go wrong? I ring, the phone is picked up, then I have to wait while he clearly deals with someone else and I assume I have the right number "yes mate?" so I start making my speal then I get "ah listen mate can I take your number and call you back?" Fine, no problem, he's a busy man.. "yes it's a UK mobile 00..."

"0 what?"

"0044"

"ah listen mate we don't do that"

I'm not happy and I am wandering what has gone wrong. The story is actually longer but I can't be arsed to go into the depths of how much he annoyed me. Thankfully the next place I called had vacancies and 'Playa Concha, Tiffany speaking' was perfect for what we needed.

A quick pop out to the shops to get food for our next few dinners and it was time to settle in, I'd been feeling a bit under the weather all day and we had to be up early for our pre-booked tour to Fraiser Island the following day.

Tomorrow; desert island dogs.

Day 25: All that glisters might just be gold

Dropped the car off and early check in with Virgin Blue again, then at 10am we were off up to the Gold Coast, Coastal Queensland. The 2 hour flight went pretty swiftly as Dan was plugged in to the online entertainment system and I had my head stuck in a trashy novel.

Arrived at the airport for yet another complete change of climate. The south has been very much in Autumn, here it is strongly summer: blue skies, bright sunshine, 30deg C heat and 50% humidity.

We hadn't booked a car yet (our final itinerary was written on the back of a beer mat in the hotel bar last night) but working the desks at the airport got us a pretty good deal and an upgraded car. It also got a few incredulous looks at how far we are planning to drive this week.

We left and went through the Gold Coast, working north. The Gold Coast is really as it's described: basically Benidorm. Still, interesting to see.

It's quite out-doorsy here and everyone is either into sports or beach going which leads to some relaxed attitudes to attire. At the service station where we stopped to get lunch and gas (going native with the references there) one guy who came in to get fuel had his shorts so low, you could practically see his map of Tasmania.

Dan reading up on the map suggested we head as far north as a place on the coast called Caloundra, about 40K north of Brisbane. We both agreed that having just had quite a time in cities (Sydney and Melbourne) it would be good to see some other places and bypass Brisbane.

This was a very good call. We arrived at about 4 and drove around to find a place to stay, ending up with a very nice 2-bedroom apartment with views of the sea and an outside balcony. Wandering back along the beach, there was a great outdoor pool, long wooden sidewalks along the beach, outdoor showers, water fountains and communal barbeques. We were just in time for sunset and got some great views of the sunset behind the tower blocks, and with the Glasshouse Mountains (where we are going tomorrow) in the background.

It's still warm and humid in the evening, but quite a nice, refreshing breeze which makes a long walk along the beachfront and in to town relaxing and nice.

We had a nice dinner at the local surf club (think the British Legion!) and then back to the swanky apartment for a long game of scrabble where Dan helped me enormously but I still lost.

Everything in the apartment building is operated by key, including the lift and the big door to the underground parking. The lift opens directly into the parking lot, and I've seen way too many rubbish American thrillers to not scare myself stupid going down to get some things out of the car. Otherwise, using the lift feels like you are a secret service agent, turning the key first to gain special access to secret levels. But that may just be me.


Tomorrow: The Glasshouse Mountains and on to Hervey Bay (definitely NOT the Australian Zoo with Steve Irwin)

Day 24: Getalong to Geelong

We left Port Campbell this morning and started back along the main coast road. We had originally planned to complete the loop inland, but much of the ocean road goes inland anyway, so we thought it would be nicer to revisit a few places and catch any of the lookout points that we missed on the way up.

We did see some really great rock formations that we missed earlier: it was like living through a real life A-level geography lesson, all that was missing was Mr Quilter's descriptions of 'peter the pebble'.

This was the Saturday of the long weekend, so there were lots more people out and about than there had been on Thursday, and this lent quite a different air to a lot of the locations.

It was also nice from a 'smug points' point of view to be travelling in the opposite direction to the majority of traffic!

We stopped off in a town at the end/start of the ocean road, called Torquay, which felt a bit odd. It's meant to be a very lively, action-packed town that is seething with surfers. Not so much off-season. In fact mid-way through lunch, where we were huddled in doors in our jackets, Dan got the owner to close the door. About 2 minutes later, the heavens opened and it absolutely whammed it down for the rest of the day.

We also stopped off in a place called Geelong (no idea still if that's a hard or soft G at the beginning) where we again parked up and got very wet and very cold. This far south at this time of year, it's not quite the Australia one imagines.

We unfortunately mis-timed it so that we didn't get to explore the Wool Museum. Sorry, just checking my notes: The National Wool Museum. Not just any wool musuem you see, but the one for the entire country. And it's a big country. With a lot of sheep. I imagine it could have taught the Falmouth National Maritime Museum a thing or too.


Finally we left the delights of Wool behind, and headed to our final stop in Melbourne: the Holiday Inn at the Airport. This was particuarly handy as we had arranged for the car to go back to the airport and we had an early morning check in.

We had dinner in the bar, and I managed to score some ear plugs for reception in the hope that Dan might be able to get a proper night's sleep even with my incessant snoring. Sorry Dan!

Tomorrow: The Gold Coast and a real change of climate.

Day 23: The Ocean Road Pt II - The Revenge

Up bright and early in our modest accommodation (the town's nightlife croaks) and we're ready to journey on what the guidebook promises to be 'the best stretch of the ocean road'. Initially we were optimistic, the first bay, the Bay of Martyrs was stunning and a change in weather for the worse from yesterday made them feel much more dramatic as the waves surged in. We were surprised to find a blow hole too, a sudden opening in the ground where the cliff had been eaten away by the sea and again you could see and hear large storm waves - this time inland quite bizarre!

Spurred on by our 'discoveries' this morning we decided to push on to the next settlement expecting to be wooed by more breathtaking sights. Sadly as the road continued we discovered that it led inland by nearly 20k, Matt and I took issue, there is clearly grounds for some sort of case to the State of Victoria's trading standards department 'Ocean Road'? What ocean road.

Maybe it was the continually worsening weather or the lack of anything to see that our initial enthusiasm was fast becoming something of a damp squibb. We pulled into Warnambool to take a look at the whale beach (not beached whales) if we had been there a few weeks later we may well have seen some of the Southern Ocean Right Whales, I thought I could see something on the horizon using my zoom lens, but it was more likely a bit of dirt!

We pushed on through a few more seaside towns, but a lack of people and the promised 'stunning scenery' had not been realised. Wanting to make the most of the remaining days light we decided to head back to the section of road near where we were staying and had had such a promising start this morning. I don't wish to be too heavy on this amazing stretch of coastline and to have one 'not so good day' is hardly a reason to complain, it just seemed to be the theme of the day, expectations driven a little higher by how amazing everything has been this holiday.

Back at Port Campbell thefinal high expectation of the day was the sight of karaoke being set up in the local bar, I really thought I had lucked in - a small town, population 200 and I've sniffed out the karaoke... it's a private function, bitterly upset!

Tomorrow, Matt consoles my broken karaoke heart!

Day 22: The Ocean Road

Well we're up early to get away from Melbourne and embark on The Great Ocean Road. I'm still a little fuzzy from the dizzy heights of last night. However we make our way to the car hire place to find ourselves picking up a nifty little Toyota Corolla (much newer than our Kiwi car), I'm reliably informed there are no Sat Navs, Tom Toms etc available for hire, we are to rely on free maps to get us there, although having no onward accomodation booked we don't quite know where 'there' is yet!

Matt navigates us superbly out of the city and soon we're off the freeway and onto the ocean road. The scenery opens impressively in front of us and the weather is fantastic (it's been really great all through our stay in Melbourne). We stop occassionally to admire the views then take a longer break in Apollo Bay so that we can source accommodation for the next two nights and get a bite to eat.

We've decided upon a small village called Port Campbell to stay for the next few nights, the hotellier seems surprised we've booked two nights. Enroute we stop at the stunning 12 Apostles and Matt has timed the journey perfectly to coincide with sun set. We're not alone, this is clearly 'the' spot for tourists to stop and 'the' time (not sure if right useage of ' ') anyway me and my entourage of tourists are click happy as the sun set delivers at least 150 digital picture postcards.

Delighted with the view and anticipating more tomorrow we make to our motel, it's not quite to our exacting standards but the hotellier is very welcoming and we settle in Port Campbell for the night, a few local beers and a meal and we're set for tomorrow.

Join in for fun and frollics on the way to Port Fairy.

Day 21: She used to bring me roses

Out into the streets of Melbourne again today, as explored from the less salubrious end of town. We headed up through a park and up to the large Victoria Market to check out what has been billed in the guides as a 'foodie mecca'. Sadly mecca was not open. Totally closed. Not a word on _that_ in the guide book.

We were close now to the old Melbourne Gaol so we went in for a nice visit to the old cells, complete with Ned Kelly's armour and death mask, and death masks of lots of other ex-inmates. Not totally sure how appropriate this place is for 'family friendly fun' but it does include a model of a gallows, operated by a push button, which a 3 year old child was having endless fun with, and you can also buy from the gift shop a number of cuddly toys, all dressed up in Ned Kelly Armour (tm). Very odd.

Taking the approach of in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound to heart we also went for the tour of the old police station which turned out to be exactly what we feared hoped it would be: an over-the-top actor shouting at everyone and calling them wankers. Great.


In the evening we went out for dinner in a great little side street that Dan had again found. About 8 restaurants all jammed in together with outdoor seating. As you go down the alley, they are all vying for your business and get wonderfully competitive - we scored a 2-course meal and a glass of wine for $27 (so about 15 quid). We then wandered off to see where we could go for a street.

We took the approach of wandering down any sufficiently dark alley that looked like it could be interesting and found a classy bar where a magazine launch was just finishing. We had asked the doorman if it was a private do, and finding that it was, asked if he could recommend anywhere else. He popped inside to get opinions, and the editor of the magazine invited us in to join them. Free bar, which was nice. The club was all red-brick walls, candles all over the place and Louis XVI style chairs and chaise-longues.

We got chatting and got some good recommendations for further places, which we then checked out.

Cookie is a bar on three different levels, but the best one is on the roof. Wood tables, deckchairs and a large cinema screen set on an astro-turfed roof 5 stories up. We were sat right up in the roofline of the city, with the weather on the cool-side but still lovely and warm.

We then went on to the next recommendation: Gin Palace. Following the theme of the evening, this was down a dark side alley, just past a cheap supermarket. No real advertisment or markings, just a small sign above a single door.

The bar served really, really good martinis (plain gin for me, and apple for Dan). Decor again was really good - pretty p0lush chairs and sofas, but all faded chic. The loos could undo you a bit if you happened to be the worse for wares, as they have plastered the walls with urinals, some upside-down above the 'real' ones. I don't _think_ I got it wrong but we won't ever be going back there anyway!


Tomorrow: Going Coastal.

Day 20: A Tall Tale

So it's Tuesday and it's time to skip back to reality, the last two days of joy in our 6 star (as the barber told me) hotel have come to a close and we relocate from one end of Melbourne's CBD to the opposite, into accommodation that is clearly what we should really be staying in!

Bags relocated and we hit the streets tourist sty-lee, walking down one of the side-streets we spot the Melbourne observation deck and decide to give it a whirl [NOTE: does not actually whirl]. We are whisked up 54 flights of high-rise in a mere 20 seconds, Matt's ears have popped several times, the view at the top is breathtaking, the noisy school children are not. A quick 30 minute nod to the view and we're back on our way.

Yesterday when I popped out to get my haircut (oh yes I ommitted that detail in yesterdays post thinking you wouldn't want to know about that and now here I am having to explain it to continue the entry - damn my time saving entries) I discovered a lovely series of 'lanes' littered with cafes and bars and very 'buzzy'. I think I was particularly drawn due to the lack of light and slightly seedy nature of it (who would have thought!!) but it is clearly one of Melbourne's hot spots. So I pointed this out to Matt - hang on no I told him about it yesterday as it was one of the things he spoke to KD lang's girlfriend about! Oh I am so rubbassssshhhh!!! (Matt would never let me use so many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!). Scrap this paragraph.

We wandered past the lanes and went to the Melbourne Museum of the Moving Image only to discover it had an exhibition on I'd already seen in London. So we decided to hop on one of the many trams and head down to the designer boutique ridden Chapel Street, we were warned though "you'll know when you've walked down too far" apparently the area get's quite rough, quite rapidly, the taxi driver had also mentioned stabbings in this area, nice.

So a few hours retails therapy and we head back into town with slightly heavier bags and decide to go back up the tower to catch a stunning sunset over the city. A quiet night in for me and Matt heads back to the lanes to enjoy a little culture.

Serve time with us tomorrow...

Day 19: The Star Treatment

With the general fatigue of constant travel setting in we decided to allow ourselves a day of rest in Sydney. Matt has been rather under the weather so we decided to enjoy the day in our posh hotel rather than exhaust ourselves further on the hot sweaty streets of Melbourne (doesn't sound as good as LA does it!).

So I'm booked in for a deep tissue therapy at the hotel spa whilst Matt has got some sort of head massage in store. It was actually Matt who went up and booked these, upon booking and generally nosing around the place he discovered that we were actually guest mates with the only and only KD Lang. I had to admit I wasn't sure I'd have actually recognised her. Apparently in town doing gigs or something. It was later on when Matt was waiting for his treatment that he got chatting to another lady who turned out to be her girlfriend - Matt and KD are now like THAT, she even let's him call her K - 'kay K.

So that and a little spot of room service, I felt it only right to crack open one of the bottles of wine from our bike ride in New Zealand, yes I'm sorry guys the Cloudy Bay will not make it to English shores, not by me anyway, beside it was pushing my baggage allowance over at the airport, that and my Makers Mark and Matt's vodka - all gone.

So not much to report for you guys, but join me tomorrow for a tall tale.

Day 18: A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray

An early start as we have the shuttle to the airport booked for 8.40.
Only it turns up 10 minutes early whilst we are still in the room. We quickly head down to be greeted by a bus full of people happy to be kept waiting.

At the next stop we end up having to wait for about 20 minutes for this complete arsehole who had clearly been out drinking a lot the night before and had most likely been unconscious when the driver arrived. Rather than being contrite, he decided to go for arrogant and beligerent. Strangely he was American, go figure.

He was wrangling paying for the shuttle claiming it was paid for by the hotel. He then kept saying he didn't care how much it was for, he'd pay $300 if the driver wanted, at which point one of the passengers shouted "well go on then!".

At the airport we saw that he was on the same airway as us (Virgin Blue). We got the same check in guy as he did and Dan asked if he was going the same way as us. The clerk said "I feel sorry for you guys if he is" as he'd obviously continued in the same type of behaviour. Thankfully heading in the opposite direction!

Arrived in Melbourne. It's weird how dry everything looks. Coming in by air, all you can see are dried out fields that just extend in every direction, flat and dusty.


Sydney airport on the way out and Melbourne when we arrived was a first for this trip: Dan didn't attract un-due attention from security! So far at every airport he's been selected from queues for "just a few additional checks, sir (don't make a scene)".

On the way in to Sydney, going through Customs, he was invited for a personal check through his luggage. Everything going smoothly, with the standard routine questions about packing the case himself, jokes about wanting to avoid the laundry bag and so on. The inspector was talking through what he was finding as he fingered through Dan's garments
"Wash bag, hat, trousers, ... wig, shoes,"

Yes, air-tight security procedures had discovered that Sven was travelling with us. Thank god that Dan had had the presence of mind to place him in baggage and not hand-luggage. Could have been interesting!


Dan has booked us in to yet another flea-invested rat-hole of a hotel: the Park Hyatt. Oh. my. god.
Rated 6 stars, I believe, it is amazing. The foyer is all dark woods and marble, 30s style lighting and brass rails. It feels very much like staying on a very posh cruise liner. The cabin, sorry, room is again lined with wood, leather seat, glass writing table, the works.

We headed up to the spa a few floors above to check it out. Looking at the lift panel for the floors we could see:
Ballroom
Main lobby and restaurants
Spa Retreat
Tennis Courts.

Yes, they have a floor with tennis courts on them.



The theatre is a few minutes walk from the hotel, so we headed off to get our tickets then a quick bite to eat.

Dan got us great seats, middle of the theatre, about 5 rows from the stage. About 10 minutes before the performance, two women done up to the nines with feather boas and tiaras sat down next to us. One of them, sat next to Dan, sat down, slapped him on the arm and shouted 'Hi!' into his face. This was their first night out in a long time, following what sounds like a pretty horrible time, so they were going for it. We didn't realise quite how much yet.

They seemed really up for the show and entering into the spirit of things, being loud, chatty and laughing, albeit a bit repetitive in what she was saying.
She asked if she was talking too much, to which Dan replied "Not at the moment, but when the show starts - shut up".

The announcement came on, the lights went down, the curtain went up, the music started and, almost exactly on cue, the woman proceeded to throw up on the floor in front of her seat. Nice.

Eventually she was led off but that still left a rather pungent pool on the floor. Thankfully, I wasn't directly next to it and I have a cold which means I couldn't smell it but Dan did not. He had the full experience.

At the interval the theatre staff were really good at cleaning it up and trying to move us, but unfortunately it was a full house, and we were loathe to lose our really good seats. By the time they had dumped a bucket of cleaner on it, it was bearable. Not being able to smell it, I swapped with Dan but it still wasn't very pleasant for him.


The show itself was brilliant. It is quite different from the film, although it tells the same general story. The characters are different enough for the actors to not be shadowed by the film performance, and there is plenty of new material and new songs woven in to make it more of a musical.
We were really lucky to catch this in what turns out to be the final week. The show is now transferring, eventually finding its way to ... London.

Tomorrow: more from Melbourne, and a celebrity spotting at the spa

Day 17: Manly

Off through the botanic gardens again today to get to Circular Quay.
Weather much better - bright sunshine.

Outside the opera house there was an open air performance of an acrobatic piece called "Swoon!". Four performers balanced on the top of 20-30 foot poles that were very flexible. They they did a 20 minute performance to music that was just amazing - though it did make me feel unwell at points, particularly when the poles bent backwards, almost horizontal to the floor.


We really wanted to see Sydney from the water so got a travel ticket for the ferry and headed off to Manly. Too many jokes to avoid going there! This is a longish ferry ride right out through the harbour, past the harbour mouth and on. The swell coming through the harbour mouth was immense and everyone on the front of the ferry got pretty wet. This was such a light weather day as well, terrifying to think what it could be like in a storm.

Manly is a big surfer place with the beach on the other side of the ferry terminal very long and with big waves. The town was a mixture of lots of restaurants and standard shops mixed in with a suprising number of tattoo parlours.

Got the return ferry back to Sydney harbour, then got another one to Darling Harbour, which took us under the bridge. First stop was at the fun fair underneath the bridge. Terrifying. Like something from the mind of Stephen King. The ferry then headed further up the harbour to the development at Darling Harbour which looked amazing - lots of glass fronted buildings over several levels, lots of lights, lots of people. Plus some really interesting water features set in as well, including one that had four concentric spirals of water that looked like they were strobing as the water flowed down.

In the evening we went back to the hotel to start plans for the final couple of weeks.

One of the big things in Sydney is Harry's Cafe de Wheels - a 24 hour pie shop based in an old caravan sort of thing. We can actually see it from the hotel window, so it felt rude to not have at least one pie while we were here. Eventually got one this evening at about 10.30 which seems to be a very popular time!

Tomorrow: the drag to Melbourne

Day 16: So Sydney

We walked quite a bit today and saw a lot of Sydney.
The route from the hotel in Wolloomooloo into the main CBD goes through the botanic gardens. It's quite a long route as it follows the coastline of the harbour around a couple of bays.

It was quite surreal to just be walking through this manicured park and then suddenly see the opera house and the harbour bridge just appear.

The weather wasn't quite what we'd presumed it would be either: absolutely heaving it down, vertical rain that meant we were both soaked within about 10 minutes - and nowhere to hide either.

Took some moody shots of the opera house in the rain and then headed right round the Ciruclar Quay where all the ferries come in and onwards to The Rocks, which is where the base of the bridge is. The bridge looks amazing from a distance but is awe-inspiring when you are directly under it - the scale is just mind-blowing.

In the afternoon we met Dan's friend Claire and her beautiful daughter Bella, and she gave us a great tour through Sydney and out around the bays including the posh areas of Sydney where people like Nicole Kidman have a house, Bondi Beach and a cliff top renowned for suicide jumps! Local knowledge you see, always best!

In the evening we went out for a really good thai meal up in Newtown and then met up with some friends of Claires in town and saw a couple of drag shows. All setting the scene for Priscilla on Sunday.

Tomorrow: getting Manly on the water

Day 15: G'day Syd

Our final day in New Zealand today. A relatively late start after the
events of the night before but we were up in time to take advantage of
our final 'won' breakfast before then heading to the airport.

Air New Zealand have been brilliant to deal with. In fact customer
service in nz has generally felt great: everyone seems genuinely
happy, pleasant and interested. Check in was a breeze and we got seats
over the wing and by the emergency exits so that we had more legroom.
They even waved through our over-limit bags for no extra fee (they've
put on quite a bit of weight as a result of going through duty free
and the Blenheim wine tour).

We had a great stewardess on the flight who again had just that right
level of joking/taking the piss. I got an aisle seat and she kept a
running tally if how often she could hit me with one of the trollies.

Arriving in Sydney we now have another time change, going back 2 hours
so I think we are now only 9 hours ahead of the UK.

We are in the swankiest hotel by far now called Blue. It's in an old
wool warehouse and combines features like exposed iron work with dark
woods, suede bedhead coverings and bizarre photos from the 1920s of
someone dressed like a mermaid. The reception area looks like a
nightclub with a highlighted seating area in the middle of the room
picked out by red spotlights and candles. It's also the priciest hotel
so far but it's looking worth it at the moment!

Our new neighbours include Bill Clinton and Russell Crowe.

Day 14: Off The Rails

So after a late arrival back into Christchurch last night, perhaps against better judgement, we decided to hop on another form of rail transport. The vintage tramway runs an extensive 2.5km loop throughout the city, it's very easy to be fooled into believing there are multiple art galleries, parks, bars, shops etc that are identical in this city, well for me at least.

We were slightly wary of boarding as the trams had yet again made front page news in the papers this morning 'Woman Drives Car Into Tram Shock Horror', it's local news at it's finest. Still a few hop-on-hop-offs and we stop for lunch at a lovely little bistro on New Regent Street, shortly before the tram ploughs it's way through the shopping centre (where two days previous it had met it's fate with a sliding door).

A brief scout around the city in the afternoon and I'm thrilled at the sight of The Treehouse, Christchurch's karaoke bar - that's the evening sorted, much to Matt's horror. Following a late dinner I'm very insistent we get there in good time - we arrive outside, we can hear the music thumping, lights flashing away we get upstairs only to find we have the run of the bar, and the staff are very surprised to see punters. Still a good night was had and I got to sing away to my heart's content until about 1am - Matt's thrilled. Goodnight.

Join us tomorrow for our well-rested journey to Sydney.

Day 13: A bit peaky

So far throughout this trip, we (and particularly Dan) has been waking up early. This morning, when we actually needed to be up and out really early was the one day when we both really wanted to lie in. Nothing to do with the night before. Certainly not.

We had tickets to take the TransAlpine Scenic train across the mountains from Christchurch to Greymouth which meant leaving the hotel at 7.15 to get to the train station.


On a side note, wandering around Christchurch yesterday, we saw the trams as they wove their way in and out of traffic and even into a shopping centre. Dan was taking the piss out of how safe this was. This morning, front page news on the local paper: Large door in the shopping centre closes into the side of the tram.


The views across the Southern Alps were fantastic, even though the weather wasn't _quite_ as good as it could have been. This did mean that the 'cloud geek' could get his rocks off on rare and unusual cloud formations. Dan is even more delighted to discover on looking this up on the internet that the formations are called Mammatus - literal translation: Mammary Glands.

We spent most of the journey there on the observation deck - an open sided carriage that means you get fantastic views, as well as first hand experience of the climate. Going through long tunnels is also quite interesting!

As we got over the mountains, the weather got progressively worse until we were left as the only people out there, along with a hardened French teacher from Sydney called Steven. We stayed out there chatting and appreciating the view until we arrived at the station.

Greymouth is one of those places that proves the point: you take this trip for the journey, not the destination.

A very quick lunch (the train only stopped there for about 45 minutes)and we embarked for the return journey.

We decided to celebrate the trip with some bubbles and Dan managed to score us an upgrade to the fancy-pants dining carriage. We settled into the comfortable chairs, ready for our 4.5 hour return to Christchurch.

Or so we thought.

There is an 8.5Km tunnel that connects the two sides of the mountain range, and as we sat at the stop just before this, we heard news that the radio link inside the tunnel was down. This would normally be OK, but the phone system crashed as well.
With luck, the station was also in a mobile phone black out area.

Without communications, we couldn't proceed through the tunnel. Engineers were drafted in and a fleet of buses were sent from Arthur's Pass up ahead ready to ferry us back to Christchurch.

The station was charming, in a slightly scary sort of "don't want to be here after dark when you can't see who's circling the train" kind of way.

Still a short 3 hour delay later, we are back on the move.
Strangely we don't bother with the observation deck this time, instead passing our time with innumerable games of rummy (it would be ungentlemenly of me to mention who might have won _slightly_ more games).

Back in Christchurch we had time to take in some swanky bars.

Tomorrow more around the city.

Day 12: Kaikouri to Christchurch

We stopped off at lookout point above the town before we left this morning. There was still quite a bit of cloud on the top of the mountain but you could just see the ocassional snowy peak

The road to Christchurch heads along the coast which means it's pretty windy but the views are great. We stopped briefly at one point to watch a school of dolphins playing in the bay. They were great and so close to the shore I think we got a better view than the dolphin tour boats which we could see further out

Dan sorted our accommodation en-route so we had a good central hotel sorted by the time we arrived. Christchurch even laid on a nice welcoming committee for us as we unloaded at the hotel - 2 policemen escorting a rather angry drunk (crying out expletives even we hadn't heard before) down the street and then restraining him on the floor as he continued to swear and curse quite impressively

Still this was more than made up for when Dan won a toss up with the reception staff and scored us free breakfast every morning for the duration of our stay

We had a good explore of the city in the afternoon and then made our way to a pub called dux de lux. It has about 15 entries in the guidebooks so we felt duty bound check it out. Had some nice mussels and some of the beer that they brew inside in their own micro brewery.
We stayed for their comedy night which was interesting. Some of the local acts were predictably a bit "uneven" but the national acts were really good

Tomorrow we're going over the top in the alps.

Day 11: Two tarts at the vineyard

Spirits uplifted after our relaxing stay at the motel, up and out nice and early to the bike hire place.

We set off on our bikes at a keen pace, ready and eager for our light and fruity breakfast wines.

There are lots of lovely vineyards around, and thankfully a lot of them not more than a few minutes apart. All of them are very keen to invite you into their cellar door to taste (FOR FREE!) their wares.

We stopped for lunch at Highfield winery where they had a really nice restaurant. We were sat at a nice shady spot perusing our menus when we both got hit by a case on inappropriate giggles all brought on by the childish humour of the waitress bringing the meals for the next table and shouting out "Two tarts here" and the couple responding dead pan "That's us".

The odd couple (no, not us) also had an exchange where the wife told her husband that he had to go to the toilet. We thought he could probably have worked this out for himself, but understood what she meant later as the toilets are right by the observation deck for the wine making process. So the next time you have a Highfield Sauvignon Blanc and think it tastes a bit 'catty', you know the reason why.

We got in quite a number of vineyards, although towards the end the cycling got a bit much and the vineyards more spaced out.

At the last wineyard, Cloudy Bay, the two women working the incredibly posh tasting area were muttering to themselves sotto voce about a colleague who hadn't cleaned out the glass drawer properly. They finished with the brilliant line "Hoenstly, that Helen. Anyway, only two more days. Pinot Gris anyone?."


We were initially booked in to the motel for 2 nights, but being less than impressed with it (we do have standards after all, no matter how low) we decided to move on further down the coast towards Christchurch, stopping at the Pacific town of Kaikoura - litterally meaning where the crayfish is good to eat. We haven't had any.

The drive down was spectacular again, winding roads hugging the coastline on one side and snow-peaked mountains on the other. The waters are pretty deep coming in to the coast which meant there were some massive waves tonking directly onto the beach.

We are very much in the shoulder months of the tourist season now and this is quite keenly felt in Kaikoura. Despite the town being famous for great seafood, the restaurant selection is pretty feeble, with mainly set menus that look a bit like the pub combination of freeze and fry.


A quiet night, ready for our onward journey to Christchurch. Thank Christ.

Day 10: Sounds as a pound

On the move again, we headed out to the passenger ferry terminal to get the interislander ferry to South Island.

It was a beautiful day and the trip was amazing - beautiful cliffs, rocky islands and swooping albatross. The final hour of the trip takes us through Marlborough Sounds, the ship sometimes feeling very close to the edges. The scenery again was amazing, putting me in mind of Scottish Highlands.

We spent most of the trip up on the sun deck (Sven even made an appearance). This added an interesting air to the occasion as there were several lorries on the deck below transporting livestock that didn't smell completely happy to be there.

We landed at Picton and made our way to the motel in Blenheim. It was absolutely fine, but being a massive old snob I wasn't so comfortable with the room being right next to the road, the regular articulated lorries and the general residents of Hicksville. Amazingly, the website made no mention of what must surely be a big selling point: the motel is on the final approach to the local airport.

Next time: saddle up for a bumpy ride.

Day 9: Wellington...Again

I'll keep this post brief as we didn't move on anywhere today, the 2nd day in Wellington has been much more of your typical tourist affair, shopping, food, art, culture and drink (in that order). The highlight being Te Papa Museum, a modern museum built on the waterfront, the buildings architecture is of some controversy with the local population, much like the Maritime Museum in Falmouth.

In the evening we caught up with Fiona and her lovely friend Leane and headed out to a pretentious bar, where the staff assess your suitability for entry via security cameras down some dodgy back alley, yes it turns out there are many salubrious nooks in Wellington, however they clearly felt our faces fitted and were granted admission. Leane promptly cleared a table for us. although one drink and we were done.

Tune in next time for some stunning sounds.

Day 8: Wellington

second day in Wellington and we're really liking the posh city centre apartment. Slightly bigger than my house it turns out.
In the afternoon we met up with dan's friends Fiona and Matt and went to the local nature reserve which was very nice.

In the evening we headed to Cuba street which is where a lot of the good bars are. Had some very good cocktails and then went on to a restaurant called Logan and browns. We had been told that of was very luxurious and also pretty exclusive. When we told people we didn't have a reservation there was much head shaking and sucking of teeth. There was even a piece in the paper today about an Ozzie actor being turned away.

It is in an old bank and so looks very grand and imposing as you head in. Either we give off the air ofbeing very exclusive or ( and I think this is more likely) they were having a bit of a slow night as we got a really good table rightaway. The food was glorious , the service was informal but very efficient with plates whisked away as they were finished and our glasses keptconstantly topped up, including the tap water which we were poured without even being asked which is always a good sign.


we finished and headed back out to cubastreet for a gentle post prandial stroll by the water and to take in the sights. It turns out that this salubrious restaurant in this lively area of town is actually only one street away from a very busy and industrious red light zone, complete with young ladies lining the streets.

Being well travelled young men we of course responded to this with the knowing and world -weary response of putting our hands over our eyes and running down the middle of the street.

Day 7: 'Copter a load of Sulphates

Okay sorry about the lack of pictures guys but NZ is surprisingly stingy when it comes to Internet access, let alone poking things in USB sockets and such like, so above is a 'stock shot' to try and enhance this post.

Yes I know we're a few days behind posting, but then you lot have consistently failed to catch up with New Zealand time so it all works out. In fact I think we get the lottery numbers 12 hours before you do, but I digress.

So day 7 we managed to squeeze in possibly the most amazing activity I have ever done, we booked a helicopter flight over the range of volcanoes that surrounds Rotorua and thanks to my camera I was given the front seat for the journey - not that it would have made much difference I feel. The journey from the sky - narrated by our friendly pilot - took us right over the pictured crater that is 18km long and was created in 4 hours during the regions most violent eruption just over a 100 years ago. In the distance we could see all the other volcanoes that are dotted along the fault line, 7 in total. We were also given a brief landing and guide round Hell's Gate where all the mud and steam bubbles to the surface at extremely high temperatures, the whole experience was awesome and I loved every minute of it.

Unfortunately due to lack of time and my inability to write I can't possibly do the whole journey justice, even the many pictures I took don't seem to capture the scale of what we saw. So we left Rotorua straight after feeling quite humbled by the mornings activity.

A mere 470 km further and we arrived in Wellington via Lake Taupo and the Desert Road, both also spectacular. Anyway got to go but next post tales of fine dining and Slag Alley...

Day 6: Rotorua - Copper load of those sulphates

This morning we headed to the Polynesian Spa. Took a bit of finding, but we knew when we were almost there. As we crossed the street, the wind must have changed and it was like walking into a wall of sulphur. Memories of the science corridor at school when doing the sulphur experiments sprang to mind.


We were met in reception by a woman wearing a mobile phone headset, straight from central-casting for a beauty therapist receptionist. She was very nice but didn't really get "humour'.

We chose our treatments then headed out to the pools for what turned out to be a 10 minute soak - just about time for a hard boiled egg. The hottest pool was about 42deg C which was like a really nice bath, only outside, looking at a lake. Very relaxing, though the water leaves a very slippy soapy feeling on your skin.

Then went for a really nice massage, with quite a lot of painful work on my neck and shoulders but really, really good.

In the evening we went against all better judgment and booked into to the tourist-tastic sensation of a Hangi - which is where innocent foreigners are driven to a tradtional Maori village (conviently just off the bypass). They are then greeted by traditional Maori warriors on their Waka (canoe), there's a bit of back and forth, some dancing and shouting and then we had the meal. This was all sorts of things that had been cooked in a traditional earth oven - chicken, lamb, sweet potatoes and oddly a chocolate roulade and a trifle. Not sure the last bits were done in the oven.
The meal had been helped along by the judicious application of lighter fluid, which did lots for the traditional taste.

It was quite good fun really, but very out of my comfort zone of things I would normally do.

It was nice to meet lots of different people there, and to have a couple of national sterotypes re-inforced (basically Australian: slightly less racist than Hitler).


So far though, Rotorua has been very good to us, and there is even better to come tomorrow.

Day 5: Road to Rotorua

We travelled down a lot of the North island today to reach the volcanic region of Rotorua where we are hopefully going to indulge in lots of things volcanic- spas, mud, geysers, mud, helicopter flights, and mud.

We had initially booked at a good sounding hotel with a view of a mud geyser. It took some finding, being not right by the lake as we had thought, but on the far reaches of town. Turns out that the room we were in 'technically' had a view of the geyser, but was 'actually' blocked by trees.

We 'technically' looked elsewhere and are now actually in a hotel right by the lake.
Smashtastic.

The trip down was quite long - about 7 hours or so of driving. The roads are quite rough, with only about 60Km of the 500Km trip being on anything approaching motorways. Still, we have seen some really interesting out-of-town hinterlands with lots of strip malls and large agricultural equipment depots.

The views here so far are breath taking. The lake is gorgeous and there was a fantastic sun set this evening.

Tomorrow we're going to one of the spas - for mud treatments and general lolling, and we may also take a helicopter trip around a volcano.

Day 4: Mangina and Regina

Okay so that's not exactly what they're called but in my head they are now forever (funnier that way you see) where we actually drove through today was Manginangina en route to Cape Reinga, even typing that I had to think carefully ( and still be corrected).

Was a pretty spectacular location at the northern-most point of New Zealand, where the Tasman Sea and The Pacific Ocean meet in a cacophony of sea and energy, well apart from today, which I was reliably informed by a local was extremely unusual conditions, calm, sunny and between organised tours "you can't get photos of the lighthouse without flipping tourists" er yeah.

Anyway it was worth the 540km return journey for the beautiful vista we were presented with. On the way back we managed a brief stop at the 90 mile beach, which I was saddened to learn is actually about 64miles long, still it was pretty phenomenal and I was extremely jealous of the bastards who didn't have 'terms & conditions' on their vehicles restricting them from driving on beaches. Still watching other cars, coaches and such like hammer it down the beach was pretty impressive.

Day 3: It's a bit obvious

We picked up a car this lunchime, or rather we were picked up from the hotel by the hire company. On our first day we had been given some general advice about car rentals and had headed out along the main road to find a suitable company. We got so far along the and then concluded that we taken a wrong turn, so headed back into town and a glass of sauvignon blanc. Turns out that if we had kept going for another 30 seconds, we would have found ourselves in the car-hire-hot-spot of Auckland.

We then proceeded to have quite some trouble finding a good car, taking quite a lot of time in the travel information centre. In the end we've got a perfectly good car, albeit a bit old and with a fully veloured set of seats, but it does have air conditioning so that's really good!


We've driven north to Paihia (pronounced pay here) in the Bay of Islands. Deciding against the obvious we chose to take Danny's "scenic, it would be really nice to see the coast, and it's really not that much further" route. This had truly stunning views but was really like driving a 90 km roller coaster. Twisty would describe it.

Checking our path towards the hotel, Danny read the first line of the location description which said 'Russell is best reached by ferry' which piqued our interest. Further piquing was achieved when, about ready to turn left and head inland, we saw a large body of water in our way. Almost like an ocean, in fact.

As the concept of having to redo the last 2 hours of our journey sank in, we were relieved to find the ferry across, and that it took cars.

Actually, hotel isn't quite the word. It's a collection a cabins set into the hillside. It's like staying in our own tree house!

Whatever happened to Wednesday 2nd April?

Well, we're here somehow and coping admirably with jet lagggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg\
\\



..
And a bizarre keyboard with the slash where the enter should be.

The flights were good in the end, although had a slight kerfuffle at Heathrow to do with non-working check in machines, seats that wern't together and snooty bint on the check in desk.

Got to LA and got through the customs/immigration/kidney scan without too much delay; scored some pizza and a budweiser in a very american stylee bar which certainly felt.. the part.

Longish wait then for the connecting flight to New Zealand but the flight was pretty good. Aided somewhat by Dan's suggested approach of two sleeping pills and a glass of champagne.

At some point during the night there was a fantastic thunder and lightning storm somewhere off to starboard (get me with the lingo). You could see the lightning strikes illuminating the middle of the storm. Fab. From a secure distance anyway.


Shuttled into Auckland and rocked up to the swankiest hotel, right in the heart of Auckland, about 2 minutes walk from the skycity tower (tallest structure in the southern hemisphere, apparently). We're now sat in the executive suite on the 7th floor, supping a couple of martoonis.

Tomorrow we should be booking our onward travel up to the north of the island, and then catching the ferry off through the harbour to the island of Waiheke which should have lots of vineyards and probably other stuff too, but mainly the vineyards.


Dan says we will have a 'grape' time.
I think we will!
Dan is never going to say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
etc,
etc.

Join us next time for tales of the Bay of Islands, losing my hat on a ferry and an hilarious misunderstanding.

Ready To Pack

Well it is Monday night, 12 hours from the big off and no I haven't actually packed unlike that girly swat Matt, but I am in a 'ready to pack' situation. Any of my friends will tell you i'm a terrible packer, I'll do anything to put it off, like make a blog entry for example.

So here I am list in hand (well it's upstairs on the bed actually) ready to be super-organised, watch this space!

Inaugral post

This is the blog where myself and Dan are hopefully going to post stories from our journey around the antipode for our massive audience!

Hopefully the posts will be slightly more interesting than just 39 posts, each one swearing we're never drinking again.