Day 26: Glasshouse Mountains to Hervey Bay (via Noosa)

After a fine night in Caloundra it is unfortunately time to move on again. We're on our way to Hervey Bay, but not without first taking in some of the fine sights en route. We set off on the scenic road that takes us high into the mountains up to lookout point. It's a beautiful morning, hot and dry and we're treated to an amazing vista of the different shaped peaks, named by Captain Cook when he first saw them from the sea because he thought they resembled the glasshouse factories of home. Most Aussies will tell you it's a fairly stupid name for them, but stupid or not, they're pretty impressive.

Sadly time and tide press on and so must we, but we continue the scenic drive upto Noosa Heads where we take a few hours for lunch. It's a beautiful little town that hasn't been too spoilt by the neccessity of tourism, the beautiful weather has sent most people in the direction of the beach, even Matt and I treat ourselves to a paddle along the shore, it's pretty much a case of everyone in the water and 'if you've got it flaunt it' or in our cases just 'flaunt it'.

Before we leave we quickly locate some potential properties for our next two nights in Hervey Bay and set on the road again. Matt has taken to the wheel now and I get cracking with the ring rounds. The first place I phone is called the Happy Wanderer Apartments, how can I possibly go wrong? I ring, the phone is picked up, then I have to wait while he clearly deals with someone else and I assume I have the right number "yes mate?" so I start making my speal then I get "ah listen mate can I take your number and call you back?" Fine, no problem, he's a busy man.. "yes it's a UK mobile 00..."

"0 what?"

"0044"

"ah listen mate we don't do that"

I'm not happy and I am wandering what has gone wrong. The story is actually longer but I can't be arsed to go into the depths of how much he annoyed me. Thankfully the next place I called had vacancies and 'Playa Concha, Tiffany speaking' was perfect for what we needed.

A quick pop out to the shops to get food for our next few dinners and it was time to settle in, I'd been feeling a bit under the weather all day and we had to be up early for our pre-booked tour to Fraiser Island the following day.

Tomorrow; desert island dogs.

Day 25: All that glisters might just be gold

Dropped the car off and early check in with Virgin Blue again, then at 10am we were off up to the Gold Coast, Coastal Queensland. The 2 hour flight went pretty swiftly as Dan was plugged in to the online entertainment system and I had my head stuck in a trashy novel.

Arrived at the airport for yet another complete change of climate. The south has been very much in Autumn, here it is strongly summer: blue skies, bright sunshine, 30deg C heat and 50% humidity.

We hadn't booked a car yet (our final itinerary was written on the back of a beer mat in the hotel bar last night) but working the desks at the airport got us a pretty good deal and an upgraded car. It also got a few incredulous looks at how far we are planning to drive this week.

We left and went through the Gold Coast, working north. The Gold Coast is really as it's described: basically Benidorm. Still, interesting to see.

It's quite out-doorsy here and everyone is either into sports or beach going which leads to some relaxed attitudes to attire. At the service station where we stopped to get lunch and gas (going native with the references there) one guy who came in to get fuel had his shorts so low, you could practically see his map of Tasmania.

Dan reading up on the map suggested we head as far north as a place on the coast called Caloundra, about 40K north of Brisbane. We both agreed that having just had quite a time in cities (Sydney and Melbourne) it would be good to see some other places and bypass Brisbane.

This was a very good call. We arrived at about 4 and drove around to find a place to stay, ending up with a very nice 2-bedroom apartment with views of the sea and an outside balcony. Wandering back along the beach, there was a great outdoor pool, long wooden sidewalks along the beach, outdoor showers, water fountains and communal barbeques. We were just in time for sunset and got some great views of the sunset behind the tower blocks, and with the Glasshouse Mountains (where we are going tomorrow) in the background.

It's still warm and humid in the evening, but quite a nice, refreshing breeze which makes a long walk along the beachfront and in to town relaxing and nice.

We had a nice dinner at the local surf club (think the British Legion!) and then back to the swanky apartment for a long game of scrabble where Dan helped me enormously but I still lost.

Everything in the apartment building is operated by key, including the lift and the big door to the underground parking. The lift opens directly into the parking lot, and I've seen way too many rubbish American thrillers to not scare myself stupid going down to get some things out of the car. Otherwise, using the lift feels like you are a secret service agent, turning the key first to gain special access to secret levels. But that may just be me.


Tomorrow: The Glasshouse Mountains and on to Hervey Bay (definitely NOT the Australian Zoo with Steve Irwin)

Day 24: Getalong to Geelong

We left Port Campbell this morning and started back along the main coast road. We had originally planned to complete the loop inland, but much of the ocean road goes inland anyway, so we thought it would be nicer to revisit a few places and catch any of the lookout points that we missed on the way up.

We did see some really great rock formations that we missed earlier: it was like living through a real life A-level geography lesson, all that was missing was Mr Quilter's descriptions of 'peter the pebble'.

This was the Saturday of the long weekend, so there were lots more people out and about than there had been on Thursday, and this lent quite a different air to a lot of the locations.

It was also nice from a 'smug points' point of view to be travelling in the opposite direction to the majority of traffic!

We stopped off in a town at the end/start of the ocean road, called Torquay, which felt a bit odd. It's meant to be a very lively, action-packed town that is seething with surfers. Not so much off-season. In fact mid-way through lunch, where we were huddled in doors in our jackets, Dan got the owner to close the door. About 2 minutes later, the heavens opened and it absolutely whammed it down for the rest of the day.

We also stopped off in a place called Geelong (no idea still if that's a hard or soft G at the beginning) where we again parked up and got very wet and very cold. This far south at this time of year, it's not quite the Australia one imagines.

We unfortunately mis-timed it so that we didn't get to explore the Wool Museum. Sorry, just checking my notes: The National Wool Museum. Not just any wool musuem you see, but the one for the entire country. And it's a big country. With a lot of sheep. I imagine it could have taught the Falmouth National Maritime Museum a thing or too.


Finally we left the delights of Wool behind, and headed to our final stop in Melbourne: the Holiday Inn at the Airport. This was particuarly handy as we had arranged for the car to go back to the airport and we had an early morning check in.

We had dinner in the bar, and I managed to score some ear plugs for reception in the hope that Dan might be able to get a proper night's sleep even with my incessant snoring. Sorry Dan!

Tomorrow: The Gold Coast and a real change of climate.

Day 23: The Ocean Road Pt II - The Revenge

Up bright and early in our modest accommodation (the town's nightlife croaks) and we're ready to journey on what the guidebook promises to be 'the best stretch of the ocean road'. Initially we were optimistic, the first bay, the Bay of Martyrs was stunning and a change in weather for the worse from yesterday made them feel much more dramatic as the waves surged in. We were surprised to find a blow hole too, a sudden opening in the ground where the cliff had been eaten away by the sea and again you could see and hear large storm waves - this time inland quite bizarre!

Spurred on by our 'discoveries' this morning we decided to push on to the next settlement expecting to be wooed by more breathtaking sights. Sadly as the road continued we discovered that it led inland by nearly 20k, Matt and I took issue, there is clearly grounds for some sort of case to the State of Victoria's trading standards department 'Ocean Road'? What ocean road.

Maybe it was the continually worsening weather or the lack of anything to see that our initial enthusiasm was fast becoming something of a damp squibb. We pulled into Warnambool to take a look at the whale beach (not beached whales) if we had been there a few weeks later we may well have seen some of the Southern Ocean Right Whales, I thought I could see something on the horizon using my zoom lens, but it was more likely a bit of dirt!

We pushed on through a few more seaside towns, but a lack of people and the promised 'stunning scenery' had not been realised. Wanting to make the most of the remaining days light we decided to head back to the section of road near where we were staying and had had such a promising start this morning. I don't wish to be too heavy on this amazing stretch of coastline and to have one 'not so good day' is hardly a reason to complain, it just seemed to be the theme of the day, expectations driven a little higher by how amazing everything has been this holiday.

Back at Port Campbell thefinal high expectation of the day was the sight of karaoke being set up in the local bar, I really thought I had lucked in - a small town, population 200 and I've sniffed out the karaoke... it's a private function, bitterly upset!

Tomorrow, Matt consoles my broken karaoke heart!

Day 22: The Ocean Road

Well we're up early to get away from Melbourne and embark on The Great Ocean Road. I'm still a little fuzzy from the dizzy heights of last night. However we make our way to the car hire place to find ourselves picking up a nifty little Toyota Corolla (much newer than our Kiwi car), I'm reliably informed there are no Sat Navs, Tom Toms etc available for hire, we are to rely on free maps to get us there, although having no onward accomodation booked we don't quite know where 'there' is yet!

Matt navigates us superbly out of the city and soon we're off the freeway and onto the ocean road. The scenery opens impressively in front of us and the weather is fantastic (it's been really great all through our stay in Melbourne). We stop occassionally to admire the views then take a longer break in Apollo Bay so that we can source accommodation for the next two nights and get a bite to eat.

We've decided upon a small village called Port Campbell to stay for the next few nights, the hotellier seems surprised we've booked two nights. Enroute we stop at the stunning 12 Apostles and Matt has timed the journey perfectly to coincide with sun set. We're not alone, this is clearly 'the' spot for tourists to stop and 'the' time (not sure if right useage of ' ') anyway me and my entourage of tourists are click happy as the sun set delivers at least 150 digital picture postcards.

Delighted with the view and anticipating more tomorrow we make to our motel, it's not quite to our exacting standards but the hotellier is very welcoming and we settle in Port Campbell for the night, a few local beers and a meal and we're set for tomorrow.

Join in for fun and frollics on the way to Port Fairy.

Day 21: She used to bring me roses

Out into the streets of Melbourne again today, as explored from the less salubrious end of town. We headed up through a park and up to the large Victoria Market to check out what has been billed in the guides as a 'foodie mecca'. Sadly mecca was not open. Totally closed. Not a word on _that_ in the guide book.

We were close now to the old Melbourne Gaol so we went in for a nice visit to the old cells, complete with Ned Kelly's armour and death mask, and death masks of lots of other ex-inmates. Not totally sure how appropriate this place is for 'family friendly fun' but it does include a model of a gallows, operated by a push button, which a 3 year old child was having endless fun with, and you can also buy from the gift shop a number of cuddly toys, all dressed up in Ned Kelly Armour (tm). Very odd.

Taking the approach of in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound to heart we also went for the tour of the old police station which turned out to be exactly what we feared hoped it would be: an over-the-top actor shouting at everyone and calling them wankers. Great.


In the evening we went out for dinner in a great little side street that Dan had again found. About 8 restaurants all jammed in together with outdoor seating. As you go down the alley, they are all vying for your business and get wonderfully competitive - we scored a 2-course meal and a glass of wine for $27 (so about 15 quid). We then wandered off to see where we could go for a street.

We took the approach of wandering down any sufficiently dark alley that looked like it could be interesting and found a classy bar where a magazine launch was just finishing. We had asked the doorman if it was a private do, and finding that it was, asked if he could recommend anywhere else. He popped inside to get opinions, and the editor of the magazine invited us in to join them. Free bar, which was nice. The club was all red-brick walls, candles all over the place and Louis XVI style chairs and chaise-longues.

We got chatting and got some good recommendations for further places, which we then checked out.

Cookie is a bar on three different levels, but the best one is on the roof. Wood tables, deckchairs and a large cinema screen set on an astro-turfed roof 5 stories up. We were sat right up in the roofline of the city, with the weather on the cool-side but still lovely and warm.

We then went on to the next recommendation: Gin Palace. Following the theme of the evening, this was down a dark side alley, just past a cheap supermarket. No real advertisment or markings, just a small sign above a single door.

The bar served really, really good martinis (plain gin for me, and apple for Dan). Decor again was really good - pretty p0lush chairs and sofas, but all faded chic. The loos could undo you a bit if you happened to be the worse for wares, as they have plastered the walls with urinals, some upside-down above the 'real' ones. I don't _think_ I got it wrong but we won't ever be going back there anyway!


Tomorrow: Going Coastal.

Day 20: A Tall Tale

So it's Tuesday and it's time to skip back to reality, the last two days of joy in our 6 star (as the barber told me) hotel have come to a close and we relocate from one end of Melbourne's CBD to the opposite, into accommodation that is clearly what we should really be staying in!

Bags relocated and we hit the streets tourist sty-lee, walking down one of the side-streets we spot the Melbourne observation deck and decide to give it a whirl [NOTE: does not actually whirl]. We are whisked up 54 flights of high-rise in a mere 20 seconds, Matt's ears have popped several times, the view at the top is breathtaking, the noisy school children are not. A quick 30 minute nod to the view and we're back on our way.

Yesterday when I popped out to get my haircut (oh yes I ommitted that detail in yesterdays post thinking you wouldn't want to know about that and now here I am having to explain it to continue the entry - damn my time saving entries) I discovered a lovely series of 'lanes' littered with cafes and bars and very 'buzzy'. I think I was particularly drawn due to the lack of light and slightly seedy nature of it (who would have thought!!) but it is clearly one of Melbourne's hot spots. So I pointed this out to Matt - hang on no I told him about it yesterday as it was one of the things he spoke to KD lang's girlfriend about! Oh I am so rubbassssshhhh!!! (Matt would never let me use so many exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!). Scrap this paragraph.

We wandered past the lanes and went to the Melbourne Museum of the Moving Image only to discover it had an exhibition on I'd already seen in London. So we decided to hop on one of the many trams and head down to the designer boutique ridden Chapel Street, we were warned though "you'll know when you've walked down too far" apparently the area get's quite rough, quite rapidly, the taxi driver had also mentioned stabbings in this area, nice.

So a few hours retails therapy and we head back into town with slightly heavier bags and decide to go back up the tower to catch a stunning sunset over the city. A quiet night in for me and Matt heads back to the lanes to enjoy a little culture.

Serve time with us tomorrow...

Day 19: The Star Treatment

With the general fatigue of constant travel setting in we decided to allow ourselves a day of rest in Sydney. Matt has been rather under the weather so we decided to enjoy the day in our posh hotel rather than exhaust ourselves further on the hot sweaty streets of Melbourne (doesn't sound as good as LA does it!).

So I'm booked in for a deep tissue therapy at the hotel spa whilst Matt has got some sort of head massage in store. It was actually Matt who went up and booked these, upon booking and generally nosing around the place he discovered that we were actually guest mates with the only and only KD Lang. I had to admit I wasn't sure I'd have actually recognised her. Apparently in town doing gigs or something. It was later on when Matt was waiting for his treatment that he got chatting to another lady who turned out to be her girlfriend - Matt and KD are now like THAT, she even let's him call her K - 'kay K.

So that and a little spot of room service, I felt it only right to crack open one of the bottles of wine from our bike ride in New Zealand, yes I'm sorry guys the Cloudy Bay will not make it to English shores, not by me anyway, beside it was pushing my baggage allowance over at the airport, that and my Makers Mark and Matt's vodka - all gone.

So not much to report for you guys, but join me tomorrow for a tall tale.

Day 18: A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray

An early start as we have the shuttle to the airport booked for 8.40.
Only it turns up 10 minutes early whilst we are still in the room. We quickly head down to be greeted by a bus full of people happy to be kept waiting.

At the next stop we end up having to wait for about 20 minutes for this complete arsehole who had clearly been out drinking a lot the night before and had most likely been unconscious when the driver arrived. Rather than being contrite, he decided to go for arrogant and beligerent. Strangely he was American, go figure.

He was wrangling paying for the shuttle claiming it was paid for by the hotel. He then kept saying he didn't care how much it was for, he'd pay $300 if the driver wanted, at which point one of the passengers shouted "well go on then!".

At the airport we saw that he was on the same airway as us (Virgin Blue). We got the same check in guy as he did and Dan asked if he was going the same way as us. The clerk said "I feel sorry for you guys if he is" as he'd obviously continued in the same type of behaviour. Thankfully heading in the opposite direction!

Arrived in Melbourne. It's weird how dry everything looks. Coming in by air, all you can see are dried out fields that just extend in every direction, flat and dusty.


Sydney airport on the way out and Melbourne when we arrived was a first for this trip: Dan didn't attract un-due attention from security! So far at every airport he's been selected from queues for "just a few additional checks, sir (don't make a scene)".

On the way in to Sydney, going through Customs, he was invited for a personal check through his luggage. Everything going smoothly, with the standard routine questions about packing the case himself, jokes about wanting to avoid the laundry bag and so on. The inspector was talking through what he was finding as he fingered through Dan's garments
"Wash bag, hat, trousers, ... wig, shoes,"

Yes, air-tight security procedures had discovered that Sven was travelling with us. Thank god that Dan had had the presence of mind to place him in baggage and not hand-luggage. Could have been interesting!


Dan has booked us in to yet another flea-invested rat-hole of a hotel: the Park Hyatt. Oh. my. god.
Rated 6 stars, I believe, it is amazing. The foyer is all dark woods and marble, 30s style lighting and brass rails. It feels very much like staying on a very posh cruise liner. The cabin, sorry, room is again lined with wood, leather seat, glass writing table, the works.

We headed up to the spa a few floors above to check it out. Looking at the lift panel for the floors we could see:
Ballroom
Main lobby and restaurants
Spa Retreat
Tennis Courts.

Yes, they have a floor with tennis courts on them.



The theatre is a few minutes walk from the hotel, so we headed off to get our tickets then a quick bite to eat.

Dan got us great seats, middle of the theatre, about 5 rows from the stage. About 10 minutes before the performance, two women done up to the nines with feather boas and tiaras sat down next to us. One of them, sat next to Dan, sat down, slapped him on the arm and shouted 'Hi!' into his face. This was their first night out in a long time, following what sounds like a pretty horrible time, so they were going for it. We didn't realise quite how much yet.

They seemed really up for the show and entering into the spirit of things, being loud, chatty and laughing, albeit a bit repetitive in what she was saying.
She asked if she was talking too much, to which Dan replied "Not at the moment, but when the show starts - shut up".

The announcement came on, the lights went down, the curtain went up, the music started and, almost exactly on cue, the woman proceeded to throw up on the floor in front of her seat. Nice.

Eventually she was led off but that still left a rather pungent pool on the floor. Thankfully, I wasn't directly next to it and I have a cold which means I couldn't smell it but Dan did not. He had the full experience.

At the interval the theatre staff were really good at cleaning it up and trying to move us, but unfortunately it was a full house, and we were loathe to lose our really good seats. By the time they had dumped a bucket of cleaner on it, it was bearable. Not being able to smell it, I swapped with Dan but it still wasn't very pleasant for him.


The show itself was brilliant. It is quite different from the film, although it tells the same general story. The characters are different enough for the actors to not be shadowed by the film performance, and there is plenty of new material and new songs woven in to make it more of a musical.
We were really lucky to catch this in what turns out to be the final week. The show is now transferring, eventually finding its way to ... London.

Tomorrow: more from Melbourne, and a celebrity spotting at the spa

Day 17: Manly

Off through the botanic gardens again today to get to Circular Quay.
Weather much better - bright sunshine.

Outside the opera house there was an open air performance of an acrobatic piece called "Swoon!". Four performers balanced on the top of 20-30 foot poles that were very flexible. They they did a 20 minute performance to music that was just amazing - though it did make me feel unwell at points, particularly when the poles bent backwards, almost horizontal to the floor.


We really wanted to see Sydney from the water so got a travel ticket for the ferry and headed off to Manly. Too many jokes to avoid going there! This is a longish ferry ride right out through the harbour, past the harbour mouth and on. The swell coming through the harbour mouth was immense and everyone on the front of the ferry got pretty wet. This was such a light weather day as well, terrifying to think what it could be like in a storm.

Manly is a big surfer place with the beach on the other side of the ferry terminal very long and with big waves. The town was a mixture of lots of restaurants and standard shops mixed in with a suprising number of tattoo parlours.

Got the return ferry back to Sydney harbour, then got another one to Darling Harbour, which took us under the bridge. First stop was at the fun fair underneath the bridge. Terrifying. Like something from the mind of Stephen King. The ferry then headed further up the harbour to the development at Darling Harbour which looked amazing - lots of glass fronted buildings over several levels, lots of lights, lots of people. Plus some really interesting water features set in as well, including one that had four concentric spirals of water that looked like they were strobing as the water flowed down.

In the evening we went back to the hotel to start plans for the final couple of weeks.

One of the big things in Sydney is Harry's Cafe de Wheels - a 24 hour pie shop based in an old caravan sort of thing. We can actually see it from the hotel window, so it felt rude to not have at least one pie while we were here. Eventually got one this evening at about 10.30 which seems to be a very popular time!

Tomorrow: the drag to Melbourne

Day 16: So Sydney

We walked quite a bit today and saw a lot of Sydney.
The route from the hotel in Wolloomooloo into the main CBD goes through the botanic gardens. It's quite a long route as it follows the coastline of the harbour around a couple of bays.

It was quite surreal to just be walking through this manicured park and then suddenly see the opera house and the harbour bridge just appear.

The weather wasn't quite what we'd presumed it would be either: absolutely heaving it down, vertical rain that meant we were both soaked within about 10 minutes - and nowhere to hide either.

Took some moody shots of the opera house in the rain and then headed right round the Ciruclar Quay where all the ferries come in and onwards to The Rocks, which is where the base of the bridge is. The bridge looks amazing from a distance but is awe-inspiring when you are directly under it - the scale is just mind-blowing.

In the afternoon we met Dan's friend Claire and her beautiful daughter Bella, and she gave us a great tour through Sydney and out around the bays including the posh areas of Sydney where people like Nicole Kidman have a house, Bondi Beach and a cliff top renowned for suicide jumps! Local knowledge you see, always best!

In the evening we went out for a really good thai meal up in Newtown and then met up with some friends of Claires in town and saw a couple of drag shows. All setting the scene for Priscilla on Sunday.

Tomorrow: getting Manly on the water

Day 15: G'day Syd

Our final day in New Zealand today. A relatively late start after the
events of the night before but we were up in time to take advantage of
our final 'won' breakfast before then heading to the airport.

Air New Zealand have been brilliant to deal with. In fact customer
service in nz has generally felt great: everyone seems genuinely
happy, pleasant and interested. Check in was a breeze and we got seats
over the wing and by the emergency exits so that we had more legroom.
They even waved through our over-limit bags for no extra fee (they've
put on quite a bit of weight as a result of going through duty free
and the Blenheim wine tour).

We had a great stewardess on the flight who again had just that right
level of joking/taking the piss. I got an aisle seat and she kept a
running tally if how often she could hit me with one of the trollies.

Arriving in Sydney we now have another time change, going back 2 hours
so I think we are now only 9 hours ahead of the UK.

We are in the swankiest hotel by far now called Blue. It's in an old
wool warehouse and combines features like exposed iron work with dark
woods, suede bedhead coverings and bizarre photos from the 1920s of
someone dressed like a mermaid. The reception area looks like a
nightclub with a highlighted seating area in the middle of the room
picked out by red spotlights and candles. It's also the priciest hotel
so far but it's looking worth it at the moment!

Our new neighbours include Bill Clinton and Russell Crowe.

Day 14: Off The Rails

So after a late arrival back into Christchurch last night, perhaps against better judgement, we decided to hop on another form of rail transport. The vintage tramway runs an extensive 2.5km loop throughout the city, it's very easy to be fooled into believing there are multiple art galleries, parks, bars, shops etc that are identical in this city, well for me at least.

We were slightly wary of boarding as the trams had yet again made front page news in the papers this morning 'Woman Drives Car Into Tram Shock Horror', it's local news at it's finest. Still a few hop-on-hop-offs and we stop for lunch at a lovely little bistro on New Regent Street, shortly before the tram ploughs it's way through the shopping centre (where two days previous it had met it's fate with a sliding door).

A brief scout around the city in the afternoon and I'm thrilled at the sight of The Treehouse, Christchurch's karaoke bar - that's the evening sorted, much to Matt's horror. Following a late dinner I'm very insistent we get there in good time - we arrive outside, we can hear the music thumping, lights flashing away we get upstairs only to find we have the run of the bar, and the staff are very surprised to see punters. Still a good night was had and I got to sing away to my heart's content until about 1am - Matt's thrilled. Goodnight.

Join us tomorrow for our well-rested journey to Sydney.

Day 13: A bit peaky

So far throughout this trip, we (and particularly Dan) has been waking up early. This morning, when we actually needed to be up and out really early was the one day when we both really wanted to lie in. Nothing to do with the night before. Certainly not.

We had tickets to take the TransAlpine Scenic train across the mountains from Christchurch to Greymouth which meant leaving the hotel at 7.15 to get to the train station.


On a side note, wandering around Christchurch yesterday, we saw the trams as they wove their way in and out of traffic and even into a shopping centre. Dan was taking the piss out of how safe this was. This morning, front page news on the local paper: Large door in the shopping centre closes into the side of the tram.


The views across the Southern Alps were fantastic, even though the weather wasn't _quite_ as good as it could have been. This did mean that the 'cloud geek' could get his rocks off on rare and unusual cloud formations. Dan is even more delighted to discover on looking this up on the internet that the formations are called Mammatus - literal translation: Mammary Glands.

We spent most of the journey there on the observation deck - an open sided carriage that means you get fantastic views, as well as first hand experience of the climate. Going through long tunnels is also quite interesting!

As we got over the mountains, the weather got progressively worse until we were left as the only people out there, along with a hardened French teacher from Sydney called Steven. We stayed out there chatting and appreciating the view until we arrived at the station.

Greymouth is one of those places that proves the point: you take this trip for the journey, not the destination.

A very quick lunch (the train only stopped there for about 45 minutes)and we embarked for the return journey.

We decided to celebrate the trip with some bubbles and Dan managed to score us an upgrade to the fancy-pants dining carriage. We settled into the comfortable chairs, ready for our 4.5 hour return to Christchurch.

Or so we thought.

There is an 8.5Km tunnel that connects the two sides of the mountain range, and as we sat at the stop just before this, we heard news that the radio link inside the tunnel was down. This would normally be OK, but the phone system crashed as well.
With luck, the station was also in a mobile phone black out area.

Without communications, we couldn't proceed through the tunnel. Engineers were drafted in and a fleet of buses were sent from Arthur's Pass up ahead ready to ferry us back to Christchurch.

The station was charming, in a slightly scary sort of "don't want to be here after dark when you can't see who's circling the train" kind of way.

Still a short 3 hour delay later, we are back on the move.
Strangely we don't bother with the observation deck this time, instead passing our time with innumerable games of rummy (it would be ungentlemenly of me to mention who might have won _slightly_ more games).

Back in Christchurch we had time to take in some swanky bars.

Tomorrow more around the city.

Day 12: Kaikouri to Christchurch

We stopped off at lookout point above the town before we left this morning. There was still quite a bit of cloud on the top of the mountain but you could just see the ocassional snowy peak

The road to Christchurch heads along the coast which means it's pretty windy but the views are great. We stopped briefly at one point to watch a school of dolphins playing in the bay. They were great and so close to the shore I think we got a better view than the dolphin tour boats which we could see further out

Dan sorted our accommodation en-route so we had a good central hotel sorted by the time we arrived. Christchurch even laid on a nice welcoming committee for us as we unloaded at the hotel - 2 policemen escorting a rather angry drunk (crying out expletives even we hadn't heard before) down the street and then restraining him on the floor as he continued to swear and curse quite impressively

Still this was more than made up for when Dan won a toss up with the reception staff and scored us free breakfast every morning for the duration of our stay

We had a good explore of the city in the afternoon and then made our way to a pub called dux de lux. It has about 15 entries in the guidebooks so we felt duty bound check it out. Had some nice mussels and some of the beer that they brew inside in their own micro brewery.
We stayed for their comedy night which was interesting. Some of the local acts were predictably a bit "uneven" but the national acts were really good

Tomorrow we're going over the top in the alps.

Day 11: Two tarts at the vineyard

Spirits uplifted after our relaxing stay at the motel, up and out nice and early to the bike hire place.

We set off on our bikes at a keen pace, ready and eager for our light and fruity breakfast wines.

There are lots of lovely vineyards around, and thankfully a lot of them not more than a few minutes apart. All of them are very keen to invite you into their cellar door to taste (FOR FREE!) their wares.

We stopped for lunch at Highfield winery where they had a really nice restaurant. We were sat at a nice shady spot perusing our menus when we both got hit by a case on inappropriate giggles all brought on by the childish humour of the waitress bringing the meals for the next table and shouting out "Two tarts here" and the couple responding dead pan "That's us".

The odd couple (no, not us) also had an exchange where the wife told her husband that he had to go to the toilet. We thought he could probably have worked this out for himself, but understood what she meant later as the toilets are right by the observation deck for the wine making process. So the next time you have a Highfield Sauvignon Blanc and think it tastes a bit 'catty', you know the reason why.

We got in quite a number of vineyards, although towards the end the cycling got a bit much and the vineyards more spaced out.

At the last wineyard, Cloudy Bay, the two women working the incredibly posh tasting area were muttering to themselves sotto voce about a colleague who hadn't cleaned out the glass drawer properly. They finished with the brilliant line "Hoenstly, that Helen. Anyway, only two more days. Pinot Gris anyone?."


We were initially booked in to the motel for 2 nights, but being less than impressed with it (we do have standards after all, no matter how low) we decided to move on further down the coast towards Christchurch, stopping at the Pacific town of Kaikoura - litterally meaning where the crayfish is good to eat. We haven't had any.

The drive down was spectacular again, winding roads hugging the coastline on one side and snow-peaked mountains on the other. The waters are pretty deep coming in to the coast which meant there were some massive waves tonking directly onto the beach.

We are very much in the shoulder months of the tourist season now and this is quite keenly felt in Kaikoura. Despite the town being famous for great seafood, the restaurant selection is pretty feeble, with mainly set menus that look a bit like the pub combination of freeze and fry.


A quiet night, ready for our onward journey to Christchurch. Thank Christ.

Day 10: Sounds as a pound

On the move again, we headed out to the passenger ferry terminal to get the interislander ferry to South Island.

It was a beautiful day and the trip was amazing - beautiful cliffs, rocky islands and swooping albatross. The final hour of the trip takes us through Marlborough Sounds, the ship sometimes feeling very close to the edges. The scenery again was amazing, putting me in mind of Scottish Highlands.

We spent most of the trip up on the sun deck (Sven even made an appearance). This added an interesting air to the occasion as there were several lorries on the deck below transporting livestock that didn't smell completely happy to be there.

We landed at Picton and made our way to the motel in Blenheim. It was absolutely fine, but being a massive old snob I wasn't so comfortable with the room being right next to the road, the regular articulated lorries and the general residents of Hicksville. Amazingly, the website made no mention of what must surely be a big selling point: the motel is on the final approach to the local airport.

Next time: saddle up for a bumpy ride.

Day 9: Wellington...Again

I'll keep this post brief as we didn't move on anywhere today, the 2nd day in Wellington has been much more of your typical tourist affair, shopping, food, art, culture and drink (in that order). The highlight being Te Papa Museum, a modern museum built on the waterfront, the buildings architecture is of some controversy with the local population, much like the Maritime Museum in Falmouth.

In the evening we caught up with Fiona and her lovely friend Leane and headed out to a pretentious bar, where the staff assess your suitability for entry via security cameras down some dodgy back alley, yes it turns out there are many salubrious nooks in Wellington, however they clearly felt our faces fitted and were granted admission. Leane promptly cleared a table for us. although one drink and we were done.

Tune in next time for some stunning sounds.

Day 8: Wellington

second day in Wellington and we're really liking the posh city centre apartment. Slightly bigger than my house it turns out.
In the afternoon we met up with dan's friends Fiona and Matt and went to the local nature reserve which was very nice.

In the evening we headed to Cuba street which is where a lot of the good bars are. Had some very good cocktails and then went on to a restaurant called Logan and browns. We had been told that of was very luxurious and also pretty exclusive. When we told people we didn't have a reservation there was much head shaking and sucking of teeth. There was even a piece in the paper today about an Ozzie actor being turned away.

It is in an old bank and so looks very grand and imposing as you head in. Either we give off the air ofbeing very exclusive or ( and I think this is more likely) they were having a bit of a slow night as we got a really good table rightaway. The food was glorious , the service was informal but very efficient with plates whisked away as they were finished and our glasses keptconstantly topped up, including the tap water which we were poured without even being asked which is always a good sign.


we finished and headed back out to cubastreet for a gentle post prandial stroll by the water and to take in the sights. It turns out that this salubrious restaurant in this lively area of town is actually only one street away from a very busy and industrious red light zone, complete with young ladies lining the streets.

Being well travelled young men we of course responded to this with the knowing and world -weary response of putting our hands over our eyes and running down the middle of the street.

Day 7: 'Copter a load of Sulphates

Okay sorry about the lack of pictures guys but NZ is surprisingly stingy when it comes to Internet access, let alone poking things in USB sockets and such like, so above is a 'stock shot' to try and enhance this post.

Yes I know we're a few days behind posting, but then you lot have consistently failed to catch up with New Zealand time so it all works out. In fact I think we get the lottery numbers 12 hours before you do, but I digress.

So day 7 we managed to squeeze in possibly the most amazing activity I have ever done, we booked a helicopter flight over the range of volcanoes that surrounds Rotorua and thanks to my camera I was given the front seat for the journey - not that it would have made much difference I feel. The journey from the sky - narrated by our friendly pilot - took us right over the pictured crater that is 18km long and was created in 4 hours during the regions most violent eruption just over a 100 years ago. In the distance we could see all the other volcanoes that are dotted along the fault line, 7 in total. We were also given a brief landing and guide round Hell's Gate where all the mud and steam bubbles to the surface at extremely high temperatures, the whole experience was awesome and I loved every minute of it.

Unfortunately due to lack of time and my inability to write I can't possibly do the whole journey justice, even the many pictures I took don't seem to capture the scale of what we saw. So we left Rotorua straight after feeling quite humbled by the mornings activity.

A mere 470 km further and we arrived in Wellington via Lake Taupo and the Desert Road, both also spectacular. Anyway got to go but next post tales of fine dining and Slag Alley...

Day 6: Rotorua - Copper load of those sulphates

This morning we headed to the Polynesian Spa. Took a bit of finding, but we knew when we were almost there. As we crossed the street, the wind must have changed and it was like walking into a wall of sulphur. Memories of the science corridor at school when doing the sulphur experiments sprang to mind.


We were met in reception by a woman wearing a mobile phone headset, straight from central-casting for a beauty therapist receptionist. She was very nice but didn't really get "humour'.

We chose our treatments then headed out to the pools for what turned out to be a 10 minute soak - just about time for a hard boiled egg. The hottest pool was about 42deg C which was like a really nice bath, only outside, looking at a lake. Very relaxing, though the water leaves a very slippy soapy feeling on your skin.

Then went for a really nice massage, with quite a lot of painful work on my neck and shoulders but really, really good.

In the evening we went against all better judgment and booked into to the tourist-tastic sensation of a Hangi - which is where innocent foreigners are driven to a tradtional Maori village (conviently just off the bypass). They are then greeted by traditional Maori warriors on their Waka (canoe), there's a bit of back and forth, some dancing and shouting and then we had the meal. This was all sorts of things that had been cooked in a traditional earth oven - chicken, lamb, sweet potatoes and oddly a chocolate roulade and a trifle. Not sure the last bits were done in the oven.
The meal had been helped along by the judicious application of lighter fluid, which did lots for the traditional taste.

It was quite good fun really, but very out of my comfort zone of things I would normally do.

It was nice to meet lots of different people there, and to have a couple of national sterotypes re-inforced (basically Australian: slightly less racist than Hitler).


So far though, Rotorua has been very good to us, and there is even better to come tomorrow.

Day 5: Road to Rotorua

We travelled down a lot of the North island today to reach the volcanic region of Rotorua where we are hopefully going to indulge in lots of things volcanic- spas, mud, geysers, mud, helicopter flights, and mud.

We had initially booked at a good sounding hotel with a view of a mud geyser. It took some finding, being not right by the lake as we had thought, but on the far reaches of town. Turns out that the room we were in 'technically' had a view of the geyser, but was 'actually' blocked by trees.

We 'technically' looked elsewhere and are now actually in a hotel right by the lake.
Smashtastic.

The trip down was quite long - about 7 hours or so of driving. The roads are quite rough, with only about 60Km of the 500Km trip being on anything approaching motorways. Still, we have seen some really interesting out-of-town hinterlands with lots of strip malls and large agricultural equipment depots.

The views here so far are breath taking. The lake is gorgeous and there was a fantastic sun set this evening.

Tomorrow we're going to one of the spas - for mud treatments and general lolling, and we may also take a helicopter trip around a volcano.

Day 4: Mangina and Regina

Okay so that's not exactly what they're called but in my head they are now forever (funnier that way you see) where we actually drove through today was Manginangina en route to Cape Reinga, even typing that I had to think carefully ( and still be corrected).

Was a pretty spectacular location at the northern-most point of New Zealand, where the Tasman Sea and The Pacific Ocean meet in a cacophony of sea and energy, well apart from today, which I was reliably informed by a local was extremely unusual conditions, calm, sunny and between organised tours "you can't get photos of the lighthouse without flipping tourists" er yeah.

Anyway it was worth the 540km return journey for the beautiful vista we were presented with. On the way back we managed a brief stop at the 90 mile beach, which I was saddened to learn is actually about 64miles long, still it was pretty phenomenal and I was extremely jealous of the bastards who didn't have 'terms & conditions' on their vehicles restricting them from driving on beaches. Still watching other cars, coaches and such like hammer it down the beach was pretty impressive.

Day 3: It's a bit obvious

We picked up a car this lunchime, or rather we were picked up from the hotel by the hire company. On our first day we had been given some general advice about car rentals and had headed out along the main road to find a suitable company. We got so far along the and then concluded that we taken a wrong turn, so headed back into town and a glass of sauvignon blanc. Turns out that if we had kept going for another 30 seconds, we would have found ourselves in the car-hire-hot-spot of Auckland.

We then proceeded to have quite some trouble finding a good car, taking quite a lot of time in the travel information centre. In the end we've got a perfectly good car, albeit a bit old and with a fully veloured set of seats, but it does have air conditioning so that's really good!


We've driven north to Paihia (pronounced pay here) in the Bay of Islands. Deciding against the obvious we chose to take Danny's "scenic, it would be really nice to see the coast, and it's really not that much further" route. This had truly stunning views but was really like driving a 90 km roller coaster. Twisty would describe it.

Checking our path towards the hotel, Danny read the first line of the location description which said 'Russell is best reached by ferry' which piqued our interest. Further piquing was achieved when, about ready to turn left and head inland, we saw a large body of water in our way. Almost like an ocean, in fact.

As the concept of having to redo the last 2 hours of our journey sank in, we were relieved to find the ferry across, and that it took cars.

Actually, hotel isn't quite the word. It's a collection a cabins set into the hillside. It's like staying in our own tree house!

Whatever happened to Wednesday 2nd April?

Well, we're here somehow and coping admirably with jet lagggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg\
\\



..
And a bizarre keyboard with the slash where the enter should be.

The flights were good in the end, although had a slight kerfuffle at Heathrow to do with non-working check in machines, seats that wern't together and snooty bint on the check in desk.

Got to LA and got through the customs/immigration/kidney scan without too much delay; scored some pizza and a budweiser in a very american stylee bar which certainly felt.. the part.

Longish wait then for the connecting flight to New Zealand but the flight was pretty good. Aided somewhat by Dan's suggested approach of two sleeping pills and a glass of champagne.

At some point during the night there was a fantastic thunder and lightning storm somewhere off to starboard (get me with the lingo). You could see the lightning strikes illuminating the middle of the storm. Fab. From a secure distance anyway.


Shuttled into Auckland and rocked up to the swankiest hotel, right in the heart of Auckland, about 2 minutes walk from the skycity tower (tallest structure in the southern hemisphere, apparently). We're now sat in the executive suite on the 7th floor, supping a couple of martoonis.

Tomorrow we should be booking our onward travel up to the north of the island, and then catching the ferry off through the harbour to the island of Waiheke which should have lots of vineyards and probably other stuff too, but mainly the vineyards.


Dan says we will have a 'grape' time.
I think we will!
Dan is never going to say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
I will never say anything like that again.
etc,
etc.

Join us next time for tales of the Bay of Islands, losing my hat on a ferry and an hilarious misunderstanding.