Day 35: Sydney to London (via Hong Kong)

The day we knew would eventually arrive arrived. It's up at 8am to do our final packing, final breakfast, final everything holiday. I think we're both feeling a little glum about the holiday being over and the prospect of 24 hours in a small confined space together now seems nothing given we've survived 5 and a half weeks together.

So a scuttle in the shuttle up to the airport and we're ready to go (via duty free), we're surprised how few people board the plane, economy is practically empty as is upper class it's only us mugs in Premium that have a full cabin. Despite that it's a good flight and I think we're both surprised at how long you are actually flying over Australia for (about 4.5 hours), the inflight entertainment keeps me amused along with the two camp-as-tits air stewards. 4 movies and we're about ready to land at Hong Kong International. It's 10pm here, we have a short wait while they re-fuel the plane and take on more passengers - the transit here is far more efficient than LAX on the way out, no re-checking of bags or lengthy customs checks - 10 minutes and we're through. There's little to keep me amused, despite the swathes of designer shops, I just want to finish the journey, still Matt has finally scored a free Internet connection and enjoys a wander.

A minor delay on take-off and the journey continues to London, Matt and I have opted for separate seats this time, neither of us fancied being sandwiched between two strangers for 12 hours. As it turns out I end up chatting with my fellow passengers for the first few hours of this leg, a middle-aged lady who used to be a flight attendant herself and a young guy from Bournemouth. The plane is completely full now and I'm grateful for the extra leg room and the bigger seat, I decide to stay awake until I've been fed then I drop a sleeping pill and I'm out. 5 hours later I re-awake "those pills are good then" Miriam tells me "you were snoring away" ooops!

I while away the rest of the journey with a few more movies and before I know it it's breakfast and we're on our final decent into London. It's a fine morning, the airport is relatively quiet and thankfully people don't seem quite as miserable as I was expecting them to be, even our racist taxi driver seems quite jovial in an awkward kind of way. The weather is bright sunny and warm, much how we left Australia in fact, the trees are in full foliage since we left and being back in Britain doesn't seem so bad at all. Sure I'm stunned Boris Johnson has been elected Mayor of London and the BNP have got a seat, but as we draw closer to home the thought of my cosy bed is consuming me, I feel privileged to have witnessed and seen so much in the previous weeks I'm tired but content, it's over.

Good morning!

Day 34: Feeling Blue

Well it's our last full day in Sydney and our last guided tour, we've organised a conga line tour into the blue mountains. Not particularly because either of us wanted to be locked up in a small coach with a bunch of potentially annoying strangers but mainly through necessity of making sure we made good use of the time on our last day.

It's an early start 7:45am pickup and we're whisked of a wildlife sanctuary (via The Bridge, or 'coathanger' as the locals like to call it - apparently).  Our driver is bit of a Nazi for time keeping and we're told we have 57 minutes to 'enjoy' the park.  Both Matt and I get to pett a few creatures including Koalas and Kangaroos, I'm even allowed to hold a bird of prey (fools). A token nod to all the other creatures (wombats, emus, croc's etc) and 10am sharp we're back on the bus into the mountains.

The driver despite his ponchant for time keeping is actually perfectly nice and keeps us entertained for most of the journey.  We arrive at the Wentworth Falls and this is our first view of the stunning Blue Mountains, so named by the blue haze created by the evaporating Eucalyptus oil.  As with everything today it's a brief nod, just time for a snap and we're of to the Three Sisters, a series of rocky outcrops that are aparently three Aboriginal maidens trapped by their father to protect them from the advances of frisky locals. 12:15pm back on the bus, and we 
take in three 'rides' through the mountain, a skycar with  a glass bottom, a near vertical train and 
a cable car.  It's all very pleasant but I could do without the agressive Japanese tourists. We're 
promised if we're back at the bus by 2pm we're in for a treat - it's a stop at the candy store - great.

A few more tourist spots and we're on the way back to Sydney, rather unecessarily we both feel via the Olympic stadium, it feels more of a time/tour attractions filler than a worthy point of interest. However, we're dropped at the ferry point and have an enjoyable boat ride back to Sydney. Just time for a final Thai dinner (one of the best i've had) and a final blast of Karaoke for me, rather aptly I choose Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time, this seems to best sum up how we're both feeling right now.

Tomorrow, up, up and away.

Day 33: Sydney

Another day in Syndey and we decide to have a look at the little boutiques and glamorous shops that are up in the Paddington area. Rather than a definite area, it turns out that the shops are generally dotted around the place, so we're not sure that we really ever found the main part of it. We did see lots of lovely little areas though.
I'm particularly taken with the style of old terrace house they have here - each one with different coloured walls, but all with intricate iron railings and cornices on the open terraces/balconies. Hopefully Dan has some good shots of these as I usefully left my camera in the hotel.

Come lunchtime, Dan went off to Bondi to meet an old friend and I perused the shops heading back into the CBD. Bought many exciting things including a catering standard piping bag. Oh yes, stand back in awe and please don't try to keep up!

It was really nice to just wander the streets and it was good to be able to get a sense of how all the streets actually nit together and be able to navigate around. I looked in at the QVB - the Queen Victoria Building, which is a renovated building dating from around 1880. It takes up an entire city block, and it now a shopping mall - but a very posh one. The upper levels and carpeted for heaven's sake.


In the evening we head to Darling Harbour again for a nice dinner - I go for the soft shelled crab, which is nice but unfortunately has been breaded then fried, which wasn't on the description at all. This means that the meal ends up being a lot heavier than we thought it would be. Also the portions of the side orders are absolutely ginormous. The little salad could easily feed four people and the wire basket of chips is difficult to see over.

Tomorrow: we get a bit blue in the mountains.

Day 32: A bridge too far

So back in Sydney and it's Sunday.
After transferring to our final hotel, we head off in to town.

We go to Circular Quay (by the bridge and the opera house) and hunt out the market at The Rocks. The aim was to find some spectacular holiday gifts that sum up the experience of the holiday with some amazing displays of local crafts and production.

Mainly we just find bits of old tat that could be bought on any market stall anywhere in the UK, but there are some really nice bits too.

They have a 70s weekend going on nearby to commemorate the conservation of a terrace of old houses, so we get to listen to some really terrible rock and abba bands.

Neither of us is particularly good at heights so we decide to forgo the harbour bridge walk that takes one over the top of the bridge supports, but we do walk the length of the bridge at car level and very impressive it is too.

We stop for a spot of lunch on the other side before heading in to the funfair. This is the terrifying looking place that I mentioned on our first visit here. No less terrifying close up, it turns out.

Tomorrow: We're off to find Paddington

Day 31: South again

Check out of the apartments this morning.
Run by a lovely couple but good god does she like to chat!

We have some time before the car is due back, so we go to see another local attraction: the Cedar Creek Falls. Lovely sounding place, evokes the idea of, I don't know, waterfalls for one.

It's kinda on the way to the airport, just turn off a bit before and head down several dusty dirt tracks. We clock what must be I think our 5th kangaroo of the trip, sadly so far they've all been 'resting' by the side of the road, rather than boucning through the bush.

We arrive at the pool, only to find that due to lack of rain recently Cedar Creek Dribble would have been a more apt name. Still it's great fun watching some other tourists braving their way into the water a millimetre at a time, shrieking whenever they stumble on a pebble. It takes them about 10 minutes to get fully into the water, so we don't quite believe them when they insist that really it's lovely, and we really ought to go for a swim.

The car has to be back at 12.30, which is ages before the flight, but we aim to use the time to catch up on the blog which is rather out of date (as Simon has pointed out). We arrive at the perimeter of the airport to see nothing but a red-dirt runway and a corrugated iron shack. It looks like something from the Flying Doctors.

Pushing on, we're relived to see that the airport actually does eventually have a proper runway and an actual building, but it turns out no internet, no real shops apart from a cafe, and no car-hire agent to return the car to. Turns out we could have had a few more hours. Still we get to sit outside with a sandwich and some cold beers, enjoying the incredibly hot sun whilst Dan writes quiz questions for the Eurovision party later in the month.

Flight back is good, and we've got seats in the escape row, so have tons of leg room.

After a slight kerfuffle with the hotel - they've lost our booking so we end up shifting to another hotel tonight. They also told us the hotel we were going to next had never heard of us, but thankfully they'd got the wrong one.

Finally we headed out into chinatown for a nice meal and, after all that, a relatively early night. We've been on the move a lot, with a lot of early mornings and broken nights and we're both done in.

Tomorrow: back in Sydney and across the bridge.

Day 30: Great Barrier Reef

Our second sea excursion today, and another early start - leave the apartment at 7.10 for the bus journey to Shute Harbour.

Not going to be quite such a gentle experience as yesterday, we are going on one of the huge catamarans that drew derision from all of us when we saw one yesterday at Whitehaven.

We are in some luck though as the numbers are very light - about 40 people as opposed to a couple of hundred.

We browse through the literature and see that they offer introductory scuba dives, which interests us both. We complete a lengthy medical questionnaire, only to both hand them over and then start adding a litany of medical conditions that "we though we'd better just mention, but didn't think we needed to put on the form". Amazingly we're both fit enough so we're on.

The catamaran absolutely stonks along, and as soon as we are past the islands and hit open water, there is spray being thrown up several decks and soaking the back seats, out in the open. And on several decks, various passengers are behaving in a similar way.

After about an hour, we arrive at [fanfare] ReefWorld. Or two pontoons, anchored to the Great Barrier Reef. I can't get the idea of the movie Westworld out of my head, and just hope that Yul Brynner doesn't show up again and go mental.

We take a cruise in the semi-submersible that goes around the reef, with a massive viewing chamber underneath which is fantastic, then we head off for the dignified experience of getting ready for the dive.

For me, this first consists of trying to find an optical diving mask that I can actually see through, then on to what to wear! We go for the full length lycra one-pieces (see the stinger suits from yesterday). Having learnt a little bit, I avoid the yellow, pink and panelled suits and score an all-black number. This goes on, followed by a short wetsuit that, though it fits around the middle, is about an inch too short and I can feel it compressing my spine quite nicely.

Dan has been struggling like mad to get his stinger suit on followed by the wetsuit, only to be finally told that as he has a full-length wetsuit, there's no need for the lycra.

We go to get fitted with tanks and weight belts.

This diving lark must be a fetishist's dream come true - first lycra, then a rubber suite. Next you are told to bend over whilst someone comes up behind you and fixes a heavy belt around your middle; then you are strapped into a heavy tank harness, then finally as you walk into the water, someone hands you a pot of vaseline to smear on your moustache so that the mask will form a seal (which it doesn't really anyway, but I digress).

We go into the moon pool. which is basically a metal walkway submerged under the pontoon so that we can go through all of the procedures and get used to the idea of breathing under water - an idea that our parents spent years teaching us not to do.

This does take quite a while to get sorted, and it is pretty uncomfortable at times, trying not to breathe through your nose which is sitting in a pool of water. Visibility is poor to the sides, the air dries out your mouth and everything feels very constricted due to the tightness of the suits and the tanks strapped around you. Unfortunately it is a bit too much for Dan, so he opts to just go through the training and not out into the open water.

Hi Dan here, I've had to add to this post. Matt has been far too kind and generous to sum up 'what happened under the platform' in one sentence. 'A bit too much' is an understatement, the fear had started to hit me long before getting into attire! However, I try to rationalise with myself - god know how other people do it (Matt I applaud you) every fear of water I ever had when I was little has come flooding back. As we sit underwater breathing unaturally, anything that could give me the fear does. I can't see the bottom, I think I'm going to sink, I have water in my nose, the instructor thinks I'm okay, stop making the 'okay?' symbol at me, why can't I remember the 'no' symbol?, why is he continuing? No, this is full on panic attack central. The fear has struck me bad, when Matt finds me later with said 'Gin & Tonic' I tell him I can't even begin to tell him everything that frightened me. I'm told by the instructor later 'it's very common' and given a partial refund, which I have to say is very generous considering!

We eventually head out into the water and pull ourselves along the ropes strung in the water. Once I eventually get used to breathing, it is a great experience, getting to look all around, seeing probably thousands of fish. The dive instructor even brings us various bits of wildlife to interfere with such as a giant clam, a sea cucumber and a star fish. A bit further on he starts shaking fish food around to attract fish. This is great at first until he then proceeds to throw food at our masks - cue an explosion of fish around your face. One even nipped my ear. Relaxing.

We also got to meet Wally, the male wrass on this bit of the reef. Absolutely huge - about 1.5m long. Not the biggest fish though, that goes to George who is 3.5m long. He stays under the other end of the pontoon, so we don't get to see him. We both later try to get photos of him that will in anyway show how big this damn fish is, but we're not sure it's going to show.

At the end of the dive I go to find Dan, who is in the bar, draining a gin and tonic. He goes off on the sub whilst I go for a snorkel around the reef, then it's back on the cat for a high-speed return to Airlie Beach.

Tomorrow: Back to Sydney and the final days of the trip

Day 29: Ragamuffin

Refreshed from my karaoke fix last night I quite literally have a feeling of 'the wind in my sails' today, notice I say 'I' and not 'we' poor Matt was my ever faithful audience. Anyway I was quite excited at the prospect of todays activities, we're leaving Terra firma for the ocean wave - hmm should probably relate to something else, oh well.

Ragamuffin is to be our sailing vessel today, a Maxi yacht emblazed in racing history, I won't bore you with the details here, but do feel free to check them out here:

http://www.maxiaction.com.au/html/rag.html

I'm particularly excited about spending the day on board (and no it's nothing to do with being surrounded by sailors) in the last year in my professional work I've edited a number of sailing programs featuring the Maxi class racing yacht so I felt I knew a little background around the class. They're pretty impressive and as we board we're welcomed by a really friendly crew and the tone for the day is set.

After the standard safety briefing we push away from the quay and we're on our way through the islands to Whitehaven Beach. Once we're out of the shelter of the harbour a good breeze has picked up, about 15 knots, from the shows I know a boat like this needs at least this kind of wind speed just to get going, it's certainly not a racing breeze but it's pretty good for a bunch of land-lubbing tourists such as ourselves.

Onboard I find chatting with some of the other crew and guests a breeze, I spend most of my time chatting to Scott and Marie, a couple from Canada, whilst Matt clings for dear life to the 45 degree angle deck. My dad would be so proud, for the first time in my life I'm really enjoying the sail and I'm barely holding onto anything (there isn't much anyway).

We seem to arrive at the almost empty 7km long beach far too quickly for my liking, but once ashore I'm pleasantly surprised (like so many places we've now been) how much it's like I imagine a paradise beach to be. Matt has also asked me to make mention of the silica sand (what makes them so white) and how it's squeeks under foot, there I think that's covered it!

As we anchor the crew have informed us all that it's 'stinger season' (basically there could be jellyfish) around and we have to wear 'stinger suits' to protect us when in the water. These are basically an all-in-one lycra suit worn over the body, she's still finishing her speech and Matt is already rifling through for his size, I in my modesty have opted not to go in the water and instead walk along the beach taking arty photos and drawing huge great Homer Simpsons in the sand - class.

After provided lunch and avoiding 'the suit', it's back to the boat for our return journey, thankfully just in time to avoid a huge catamaran shipping in literally about 200 people. The wind is still strong for the sail back, but there is also a change in weather fast approaching. I keep looking back over my shoulder to see the sky ever-darkening, ever-closer, I'm reliably informed by the skipper we'll be safely back in port before that catches us and besides the wind is blowing it away from us, my eyes beg to differ.

Sure enough as we turn back in to harbour the rain has caught us and we're drenched, virtually all the other guests have had the good sense to go back down below, but I'm quite happy sat dripping away on the stern (get me with the lingo). A wet coach journey back to the apartment and we're done for the day - well with the exception of a fine meal from Matt and a couple bottles of wine!

Tomorrow: I get that 'sinking' feeling.

Day 28: Airlie Beach

A long day today with a long drive as we are relocating up the coast to get to the Whitsundays. This entails driving over 1000Km in a day. We are using the main highway, but it really isn't that great a road - lots of it is single lane, goes through towns etc.

Dan takes the first shift and is clocking off the clicks admirably and we are enjoying a strenuous sing-a-long to Rocky Horror (Sweet Transvestite to be exact)when we get pulled over by the police. The police car pulls a u-turn on the road and comes along side, then the officer asks us to follow him off the road. He turns off and seems to drive for ages down this dusty dirt track before turning off into a small gravel siding. This seems to be the start of every "hicks kill the tourists" movie I've ever seen.

The guy comes over and Dan does his best "How can we help, Chief Constable" routine. Turns out he was radar-ing passing cars and clocked us doing 121Km in a 100Km zone.

Dan gets his international driving permit and UK licence from the back; when the officer clocks these, he decides to let us off with a warning, which it turns out later is an extremely rare event.

We continue the rest of the journey with the cruise control on, set religiously to 99KPH and are then over-taken by every other vehicle on the road, including a house on the back of a trailer and practically every car, van and truck that we'd passed in the morning.

Still, we've sorted out accommodation and what we're going to do in the Whitsundays over the next few days so that's good.

We get into Airlie Beach and find the apartment - 70s tackarama throughout, then head out to check out the town. This is certainly the liveliest place we have been so far (outside of the cities) and Dan has sniffed out the karoake place in about 3 minutes - surely something of a record even for him.

After a nice dinner we set off for the bar, Dan a bit anxious that the karaoke session has been running for 20 minutes without us there. We get in sight of the bar, thinking all is well, only to be asked for ID! First time in 16 years. Not terribly amused, but we head back up the big hill to the apartment then present the doorman with our driving licences - resisting the urge to hold them close to his face and twat him on the nose.

Dan, of course, is excellent in his rendition of "Love is in the air".

Tomorrow: Cruise number one.

Day 27: Dingoing crazy

This morning we are off to Fraser Island - the world's largest sand island - 123Km from tip to tip, and probably with more sand than the Sahara desert.

We have bitten the bullet and gone with a tour of the place, as it was stacking up as pretty pricey to try and hire a 4WD vehicle, get the ferry over and sort all the permits.

I had romantic visions of us going in a nice small 4WD vehicle, a few of us, to gentle pootle around the island. Not quite so much, more like 40 of us in a big 4WD bus.

As we got near the island on the ferry, they started to give us general hints and tips about the day, all delivered in a relatively relaxed, said this hundreds of times, style way.

"We'll be driving on some quite bumpy ground, so of course make sure that your seat belts are on. There are a lot of dingoes on the island, so don't wander off on your own and keep any children close to you", at which point at least two sets of ears perked up. "What with the dingoes now? You're choosing to mention this when there's no way of getting off the island!"

We dock (or drive the ferry onto the beach, choose your own 'technical word' for it and there is much amusement at watching someone who has hired their own vehicle head dramatically up the beach about 3 metres, before stopping and then having to adjust their tires and dig their way out a little bit. Very glad we didn't hire a car now, wouldn't have even got that far!


One of the great joys of a tour trip is getting to know your fellow travellers. Our little group included a number of middle-aged australian ladies, all with their hair dyed the same colour. One of them, bless, was very loud and had no problem including the rest of the coach in her conversations and general stream-of-consciousness throughout the day. This included her asking Dan what the 'hazchem' sign by the petrol station meant (Dan held his tongue and didn't say "It means Safe to smoke") and also wondering on the bus trip back to the accommodation whether the bus could fit through the drive-through at MacDonalds.


The actual trip itself was good, with a drive through woods, forests and rainforest, and a walk through the rain forest as well. We drove down 75 mile beach, stopping at the wreck of an old liner, at a fresh water river which we walked up, and at the amazing 'coloured sands' stack. Turns out all sand is technically coloured.
We also went up in the hills to a lake that isn't fed by any rivers - it's a peat lined hole that holds all of the rain water. It was stained with tannins from the tea trees all around.

Tomorrow: Ever been picked up by the fuzz?