Day 18: A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray

An early start as we have the shuttle to the airport booked for 8.40.
Only it turns up 10 minutes early whilst we are still in the room. We quickly head down to be greeted by a bus full of people happy to be kept waiting.

At the next stop we end up having to wait for about 20 minutes for this complete arsehole who had clearly been out drinking a lot the night before and had most likely been unconscious when the driver arrived. Rather than being contrite, he decided to go for arrogant and beligerent. Strangely he was American, go figure.

He was wrangling paying for the shuttle claiming it was paid for by the hotel. He then kept saying he didn't care how much it was for, he'd pay $300 if the driver wanted, at which point one of the passengers shouted "well go on then!".

At the airport we saw that he was on the same airway as us (Virgin Blue). We got the same check in guy as he did and Dan asked if he was going the same way as us. The clerk said "I feel sorry for you guys if he is" as he'd obviously continued in the same type of behaviour. Thankfully heading in the opposite direction!

Arrived in Melbourne. It's weird how dry everything looks. Coming in by air, all you can see are dried out fields that just extend in every direction, flat and dusty.


Sydney airport on the way out and Melbourne when we arrived was a first for this trip: Dan didn't attract un-due attention from security! So far at every airport he's been selected from queues for "just a few additional checks, sir (don't make a scene)".

On the way in to Sydney, going through Customs, he was invited for a personal check through his luggage. Everything going smoothly, with the standard routine questions about packing the case himself, jokes about wanting to avoid the laundry bag and so on. The inspector was talking through what he was finding as he fingered through Dan's garments
"Wash bag, hat, trousers, ... wig, shoes,"

Yes, air-tight security procedures had discovered that Sven was travelling with us. Thank god that Dan had had the presence of mind to place him in baggage and not hand-luggage. Could have been interesting!


Dan has booked us in to yet another flea-invested rat-hole of a hotel: the Park Hyatt. Oh. my. god.
Rated 6 stars, I believe, it is amazing. The foyer is all dark woods and marble, 30s style lighting and brass rails. It feels very much like staying on a very posh cruise liner. The cabin, sorry, room is again lined with wood, leather seat, glass writing table, the works.

We headed up to the spa a few floors above to check it out. Looking at the lift panel for the floors we could see:
Ballroom
Main lobby and restaurants
Spa Retreat
Tennis Courts.

Yes, they have a floor with tennis courts on them.



The theatre is a few minutes walk from the hotel, so we headed off to get our tickets then a quick bite to eat.

Dan got us great seats, middle of the theatre, about 5 rows from the stage. About 10 minutes before the performance, two women done up to the nines with feather boas and tiaras sat down next to us. One of them, sat next to Dan, sat down, slapped him on the arm and shouted 'Hi!' into his face. This was their first night out in a long time, following what sounds like a pretty horrible time, so they were going for it. We didn't realise quite how much yet.

They seemed really up for the show and entering into the spirit of things, being loud, chatty and laughing, albeit a bit repetitive in what she was saying.
She asked if she was talking too much, to which Dan replied "Not at the moment, but when the show starts - shut up".

The announcement came on, the lights went down, the curtain went up, the music started and, almost exactly on cue, the woman proceeded to throw up on the floor in front of her seat. Nice.

Eventually she was led off but that still left a rather pungent pool on the floor. Thankfully, I wasn't directly next to it and I have a cold which means I couldn't smell it but Dan did not. He had the full experience.

At the interval the theatre staff were really good at cleaning it up and trying to move us, but unfortunately it was a full house, and we were loathe to lose our really good seats. By the time they had dumped a bucket of cleaner on it, it was bearable. Not being able to smell it, I swapped with Dan but it still wasn't very pleasant for him.


The show itself was brilliant. It is quite different from the film, although it tells the same general story. The characters are different enough for the actors to not be shadowed by the film performance, and there is plenty of new material and new songs woven in to make it more of a musical.
We were really lucky to catch this in what turns out to be the final week. The show is now transferring, eventually finding its way to ... London.

Tomorrow: more from Melbourne, and a celebrity spotting at the spa